Giving Things Time
by Preppy Princess 5103
Summary: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Giving Things Time

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes**: Yes, I made Harm resign his commission. That's not going to change in this part. If you absolutely can not fathom Harm doing anything besides being a Naval Officer, I would recommend not reading any further.

**Part One**

Harm set his laptop aside and went to answer the door. Sturgis was on the other side, and Harm greeted him with a smile. "What are you doing here?"

Sturgis gestured at the apartment and Harm opened the door wider. "It's nice to see you too." He dropped his hat and keys on the counter and studied Harm. "You're the talk of the office this morning."

He groaned and went to the fridge. He pulled out two water bottles and handed one to Sturgis. "Figures. She won't tell anyone that we're dating, but she has no problem telling everyone that I resigned my commission."

Sturgis raised an eyebrow. The bitterness in his friend's voice was hard to miss. "She didn't tell everyone. Apparently, someone at the personnel office knows a staffer at headquarters, and the gossip spread just fine on its own." He opened the water and took a swig. "I think it's safe to say we were all pretty floored."

Harm sighed and leaned against the counter. "I know it came as a surprise. Mac is barely talking to me. Those two weeks in Florida were not what I had been looking forward to."

Sturgis frowned. "Why is she barely speaking to you?"

"She thinks I did this so it'll be easier for us to be together, so she thinks I'll wake up one day full of regrets and will blame her for it, and that'll be the end of our relationship. I don't think I ever really understood how insecure she is until now."

Sturgis raised an eyebrow. "It's hard to picture her as insecure. Is that why you did it? For her, I mean."

"No," Harm said, shaking his head. "I would have if she had asked, but no. I did this because I'm tired, and I'm burnt out, and I want to do something different at this point in my life. It has nothing to do with her."

"She'll come to terms with it eventually," Sturgis offered.

Harm shrugged. "I hope so. The past two weeks have been… unpleasant. We've been tense, and overly polite. We haven't - never mind." Harm groaned as Sturgis bit back a smirk. "We've barely been intimate since I've been back. I'm at a loss as to what to do next."

Sturgis smiled sympathetically. "Just give her time. Maybe once you get settled in a new career and she sees that you're happy, she'll handle it better." He took another swig of his water. "So, what are your plans?"

Harm grinned and went for his notepad. He began to tell Sturgis about all of the various ideas floating around his head. "There's even an abandoned airfield in Falls Church that would be perfect for a flying school or just a hangar for people to board their planes. I'm trying to find out who owns it and how to go about buying it."

"What about a law practice?"

"I'm working on that. I want to do mostly pro-bono work, but I will need to bring in an income. So now I just have to decide if I want to open my own practice, or join a practice that's open to me doing mostly my own thing." He looked at the legal pad one more time and dropped it on the counter. "I've got a few other things I'm thinking about, but I haven't done any of the leg work on them yet. So, we'll see."

Sturgis grinned. "Well, at least you've got some kind of a plan. Mac made it seem like you had completely gone off the deep end."

He rolled his eyes at that. "She thinks I have."

* * *

Mac unlocked the door to her apartment and was greeted by the smell of ginger and curry paste. She took a deep breath before walking inside. She took her time taking off her hat, and hanging up her coat before making her way into the kitchen. She watched Harm cook for a moment before saying anything, admiring the way he looked in jeans and a long-sleeved gray t-shirt that hugged his well-defined muscles. "Hey."

He turned at the sound and greeted her with a smile. "Hey. You're home early." He put the knife down and wiped his hands on a dish towel before making his way to her. He put his hands on her waist and brushed his lips against hers.

She pulled back after a moment and rubbed her damp palms against her skirt. "I better go change."

"Mac-"

She shook her head. "I'll just be a minute." She hurried away from him and entered her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She sat down on the edge of the bed and took a few deep breaths before standing up and taking off her uniform. Her skirt and pantyhose were off, and she had just started on her blouse buttons when the door opened.

"Hey Mac?" He stopped talking when he saw her, and her fingers froze on the buttons. She could see the desire in is eyes and she swallowed. He stepped closer and cupped her face. "Hi."

She gave him a nervous smile. "Hi." She cleared her throat. "Did you need something."

'You,' he wanted to say. 'I need you, and I need you to have the same faith in us I thought you did before.' His tongue darted out to moisten his lips and his thumb rubbed over her cheekbone. "I was going to tell you that I forgot to grab the rice noodles for the curry."

"Oh."

His thumb continued to caress her cheekbone and his eyes never left hers. "Dinner can wait if you want."

She closed her eyes for a moment and then forced herself to take a step back. "I'm pretty hungry, Harm. Let's go ahead and eat. I think there is some brown rice in the freezer we can heat up to have with the curry." She clenched her hands into fists to keep them from trembling.

The desire left his eyes almost instantly, and she could tell from the tightening in his jaw that he was clenching his teeth. "Rice it is." He left the room without another word.

A few minutes later he heard her door open and looked up and she headed towards the kitchen. She looked insanely comfortable in a long sweatshirt and a pair of black yoga pants. He studied her face for a moment, and wanted to scream. She looked anxious and insecure. He could handle her when she was sad or pissed off. But this was a side of her he didn't have any experience with, and he had no idea how to get them through this. "Ready to eat?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It smells great." He plated the food, and she went to the cabinet to pulled out two glasses, and filled both with ice and water. He placed the bowls on the table, and grabbed cutlery, while she grabbed napkins. They sat at the same time, and she offered him a slight smile. "Thanks for dinner, Harm."

"You're welcome, but you don't have to thank me." She nodded and he watched as she took a bit of her meal. He knew this was one of her favorite dinners, and watched as she closed her eyes and savored the bite. "Is it as good as you remember it?"

She nodded. "It's better than I remembered."

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Finally, he sat his fork down. "Sturgis stopped by my place today." She looked up, and he continued. "I hear my news is all over the office."

She rolled her eyes. "It is. Having everyone talking about it when I walked in this morning was pretty surprising."

He picked up his fork and pushed a strip of bell pepper around the bowl. "Since I'm not coming back to JAG, you can finally tell people we're dating."

She bit her bottom lip and put her fork down. "Harm, my personal life is no one's business."

His eyes narrowed and he leaned back in his chair. "Are you ever going to tell people? Or will you always have a reason not to?" Her sigh was weary and his anger dissipated slightly. He scooted closer to her and picked up one of her hands. "This isn't a fling. This isn't casual. And I've got to tell you – it hurts that I want to tell the whole world about us, and you don't want to tell the people you work with. What's going to happen when I propose? Are you not going to wear the ring to the office? Will you not invite any of them to the wedding? And what about Thanksgiving? When people ask what your plans are will you lie? Ignore the question? Change the subject?"

Her eyes filled with tears, and she tugged her hand back. "Harm, about Thanksgiving. I don't think-"

"No." His eyes were cool and his voice was firm. "You are not backing out of going to the farm with me."

She gave him a brittle laugh. "Harm, things aren't great between us at the moment. You haven't seen your family in a while, and I don't want this tension between us to ruin their holiday. It'll be better if I stay here."

He shook his head, and pulled himself up before kneeling in front of her. He put his hands on her thighs and squeezed gently. "Things are tense because you think I resigned for you. I don't know how many different ways I can tell you that that isn't the case. Things are tense because you're convinced I'm going to blame you for this one day, and we'll be finished. Jesus, Mac. It's like you're already preparing yourself for this to end. Or maybe you're trying to get me to break up with you now." He squeezed her thighs again. "Sweetheart, that's not going to happen." He nudged her legs apart and moved between them. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and rested his head against her chest. He smiled when he felt her fingers run through his hair, and then linger on his neck. He raised his head to look at her. "Please have faith in us. In me."

"I'm trying." She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I am. It's hard. Most of me is so sure you'll wake up one day and realize this was not what you wanted."

"Mac, if I do decide one day that this was a mistake, I will not blame you. I'll chalk it up to an early mid-life crisis. I will never blame you for anything I do. Ever. I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too." She took a deep breath. "Will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"I think you should talk to a therapist. About your dad. About this potential early mid-life crisis."

He forced back the urge to roll his eyes. "I will if you will." He felt her tense, but continued. "Mac, there is no reason for you to be this anxious and insecure. I've never given you any reason to doubt me. We both have issues to work though, and I agree that talking to someone might help. But I'll only do it if you will." He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "What do you say?"

She nodded. "Okay. I'll make an appointment with someone for after Thanksgiving."

He instantly felt lighter and smiled. He stood up and went back to his chair. The curry had gotten cold and the few remaining bites were unappealing. He stood, and carried his dish to the sink. He stored the leftovers in the fridge and put his rinsed off dishes in the dishwasher. He turned to look at her, and watched as she ate a few more bites and then brought her own dish to the sink. He took it from her, and set it down. His hands immediately went to her hips, and he buried his face in her neck. "Can I spend the night?"

His voice came out as a whisper, and the instant jolt of arousal was nearly overwhelming. "Yes," she said softly. He pulled his face back to look at her, and their eyes locked. "Do you want to go to bed?"

Her own voice was low, and he hardened instantly. It was barely 7:00, but he knew that her suggestion of going to bed had nothing to do with going to sleep. "Yes."

**End Part One**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes**: This story does have an M rating (the last story in this series did not), so if sex scenes worry you, don't read all the way to the end.

**Part Two**

"Hello mother."

"How did you know it was me?"

He could hear the smile in her voice and grinned. "Oh, only because you've called at least ten times this morning.

"Considering that I've been on a plane for the past few hours, that's a lie and you know it."

Harm heard Frank laugh in the background and smiled. He knew they were both so excited that he and Mac were spending the holiday with them. "You obviously have been disregarding the pilots request to turn off all devices." She snorted out a laugh. "To answer the question you haven't asked yet, Mac is still at work. They're getting an early day, she's just not sure how early. But the car is packed, so as soon as she get's home and changes, we'll be on the way."

"Fine. Just please let me know when you're on the road."

He picked up his coffee cup and headed back to the kitchen. "I will. I promise."

"Thank you."

"Is Grams picking you up from the airport?"

Trish smiled at Frank. "She is. Tell Mac not to be at all offended if my husband spends more time with your grandmother than with her this weekend." Harm barked out a laugh. Frank was smitten with Mac, and had been since the moment he met her, and Harm and Trish never tired of teasing him about that. But he and Sarah Rabb had a special relationship, and the two adored one another. "Darling, I better hang up before Frank abandons me in this airport. Please don't forget to call when you two are on the road."

"I won't forget. I'll see you soon, mom."

"Goodbye darling."

He ended the call and was about to finish washing dishes when it rang again. He groaned. If it was his mother again, he would scream. "Hello?"

Mac raised her eyebrows. "You seem like you're in a delightful mood."

He winced. "Sorry, Mac. My mom has been calling all morning. I literally just hung up with her and I thought she was calling back."

"Ah. Well, I'm sure she has her reasons."

He snorted. "The last call was to find out if we've left yet, to remind me to call on the road." He paused and smiled, "and she wanted me to let you that you've got stiff competition for Frank's affections this weekend in the form of my grandmother."

"Harm…"

He knew she was blushing and he smiled. "Any news on when you'll get to head home."

"Yes. He's letting us leave at 2:00."

Harm glanced at his watch and saw that it was nearly noon. "Okay. I've still got a little packing to do. But I'll meet you at your place around 2:30." She was quiet on the other end and he sighed. "What's wrong, Mac?"

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Are you sure you want me to go?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly counted to ten. "I can't believe we're still having this conversation. Yes, of course I want you to go. Things have started to feel better between us the past few days."

"I know. It's just… Harm, they're going to know things aren't 100% between us. It's going to be awkward."

"And you think they won't know something is off if I show up without you?" He was exasperated and tried to keep it from his voice. "Mac, this is our first holiday together. I want you there. It's important to me that you're there."

"Okay." Her voice was soft and Harm let out a breath.

"Okay."

* * *

Mac heard the front door open and looked up from her suitcase. She stepped around the bed and saw Harm walking towards her. "I'm rethinking a few things I packed. Just give me one minute."

"Take your time." He made his way to the bedroom, and took seat on the edge of the bed. He gestured at the suitcase. "What are you rethinking?"

She held up a tall brown leather riding boot. "I had originally packed these, but I want to wear them today. And then I started considering these gray ankle boots. And now I'm thinking the green sweater dress for Thanksgiving Day instead of the maroon wrap dress." She walked over to the dresser and pulled out a few pairs of black tights and a flesh colored bra. "So now I have to reconsider undergarments."

He took the items from her hands and tossed them into the open suitcase. "Mac, obsessing over what you're going to wear and repacking your suitcase isn't going to get you out of going with me." He zipped the suitcase ignoring her protests. "I'm going to take this down to the car. I'll be outside when you're ready."

Mac watched him leave and quickly stripped off her uniform, and changed into dark skinny jeans and a light gray sweater. She sat on the bed and pulled on the boots she had just removed from the suitcase. She took a deep breath and walked over to the window and pulled back the sheer curtain. Harm was standing at the back of the SUV securing their luggage, and the sight made her smile. He was excited for this weekend, and she wished she could feel anything besides the anxiety and worry that had been an almost constant presence over the past few weeks.

A few minutes later she had grabbed her purse, locked the apartment, and was opening the door to his SUV. Harm was on the phone, so she set the purse in the backseat and buckled herself in.

"I just picked up Mac, and we're on our way. We should be there around 6:00, maybe a little later." He glanced in her direction and gave her an apologetic smile. "Sure. Hold on one second." He handed Mac the cell phone. "She wants to speak to you." She took the phone from him, and he watched as she talked to his mother. Her smile was genuine, and whatever Trish was saying had made her laugh, something he hadn't managed to do much of lately. After a moment she ended the call and placed the phone in one of his cup holders. He leaned over the console and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I know you're nervous, but it's going to be a really good weekend. I promise." She nodded, and he leaned in to kiss her.

She placed her hand on his cheek and deepened the kiss. Once they parted, she rubbed her thumb over his lower lip to remove the traces of her lipstick. Her finger lingered, and she slowly moved her gaze from it to his eyes. "I know I've been a mess lately. I'm sorry about that."

He shook his head. "You've been challenging, but you don't need to apologize. I'm not going anywhere. Everything is just going to take some getting used to. Not just my career change, but even being back in the same city after six months apart. I was gone and you did your own thing, now I'm in your apartment, in your bed, taking up valuable counter space in your bathroom. It can be a lot for some people. That's why they give us briefings on how to reintegrate into our pre-deployment lives. I can imagine the past three weeks have been a little overwhelming."

"A little bit," she confessed.

He squeezed her knee. "If it gets to be too much, just tell me to go away. I do have my own place to go to if I start driving you crazy."

She smiled softly. "I like having you in my apartment. I like it a lot."

He kissed her again. "Good. There's nowhere I'd rather be. And one of these days when you're less afraid, I'll bring the rest of my stuff over and stop asking you every night if you want me to stay."

She bit her lower lip before hesitantly saying, "Maybe when that day comes, we should look for a place that's ours. Not mine or yours." His face lit up with his most beautiful smile, and she felt a little lighter. No matter what happened in the future, at this moment she knew he loved her more than she ever thought would be possible.

"Absolutely. Just say the word, Mac." She smiled at him, and he leaned in for another kiss. "Ready?"

She nodded. "Ready."

* * *

Traffic was heavy, so it took over four hours to reach his grandmother's home in Pennsylvania. He put his hand on her knee and gave a gentle squeeze as he took the turn that led to his family home. The driveway took them behind a large two-story limestone farmhouse. He drove up to a large barn and put the car in park. He squeezed her leg again and grinned. "Just so you know, my grandmother will start making comments about grandchildren within five minutes. Just ignore her – that's what I usually do." She laughed and he took a deep breath. "Shall we?" She nodded and the both opened their car doors.

They weren't even out of the car before the back door swung open and three people hurried out to meet them, an older woman leading the group. She hurried to Harm and flung herself at him. He laughed, and wrapped his arms around her. After a long moment, she pulled back and placed her hands on each side of his face and studied him. "My goodness, you are a handsome man."

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I have very good genes. You look absolutely wonderful."

"Good. Because I feel wonderful." Sarah Rabb was in her mid-seventies, but could have easily passed for mid-fifties. She was nearly six-feet tall and svelte. Her silver hair was cut in a bob, her skin was remarkably smooth, and it was obvious instantly who Harm received his piercing eyes & smile from. She finally tore her eyes from Harm and focused on Mac. Her eyes sparkled as she took in Mac. "You must be Sarah MacKenzie. I have heard so much about you."

"It's wonderful to finally meet you, ma'am." She extended a hand. Sarah took her hand and tugged her close for an embrace.

"The pleasure is all mine." Sarah pulled back and reached for her hands. She took a deep breath and struggled to regain her composure. "I am so happy to finally meet you, and to be able to tell you thank you." Mac started to open her mouth, so Sarah quickly continued. "Thank you for helping Harm find out what happened to my son. I will never be able to say thank you enough for that."

"I was glad I could help him, ma'am."

Sarah was still holding Mac's hands, and gave them a gentle squeeze before letting. "Please, call me Sarah." Mac nodded and Sarah beamed, before stepping aside so that Trish and Frank could greet them.

After all of the hugs and hellos were finished, Sarah stepped back and studied Harm and Mac. His arm had instantly wrapped around her and his fingers were tapping against her hip. She glanced at Trish and gave her an impish grin. "Trish, the grandchildren are going to be absolutely gorgeous."

Harm rolled his eyes, while Mac blushed. He glanced at her and grinned. "Was that longer than five minutes?"

She nodded. "Six minutes and twelve seconds."

* * *

"Well, I'm going up to bed. Goodnight you two." Harm and Mac stood, and he gave his grandmother a hand getting up. She gave them each a kiss on the cheek and headed up the staircase.

Harm watched her leave and then turned to Mac. "Are you tired?"

She shook her head. "Not really. I'd like to stay in front of the fire a little longer."

"Good." He smiled and headed to the kitchen. "Want anything while I'm in here?"

"No, I'm good." She moved closer to the fire and sat on the floor. She crossed her legs and leaned back on her arms. It had been a wonderful evening. Sarah Rabb was just as wonderful as Harm had said. She heard him coming back into the living room and looked up at him. He had a bottle of water in one hand, and was balancing a back of marshmallows, chocolate bars, and a box of graham crackers in the other. She raised an eyebrow and he grinned sheepishly.

"This particular fireplace always makes me crave s'mores." He handed her the bottle of water, and pulled a couple of metal skewers from his back pocket before sitting down. "Want one?"

"Absolutely." She watched as he pushed a marshmallow onto one skewer and then handed her the bag. She did the same and scooted a little closer to the fire. She patiently rotated the skewer, just out of the reach of the flames, and looked over to see his marshmallow on fire. She winced and looked back at her own. When it was the perfect shade of light brown, she pulled it back and smashed it between layers of graham cracker and chocolate.

When they both had finished, he moved behind her, and propped himself up against the ottoman. He watched her for a moment and reached for her. "Come here." She glanced at him over her shoulder before scooting back. She nestled herself in between his legs, and leaned against his chest. He pushed her hair to the side and placed a kiss on her neck. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I'm glad I am too." She placed her hands on his legs. "Your family is wonderful."

He traced one finger over her arm and grinned when she shivered. "They can be yours too, if you want that."

Mac moved her fingers over his thighs. "Of course, I want that. I want a future with you more than absolutely anything. This anxiety hasn't changed that."

"You're just scared it won't last?" After a moment she nodded, and he sighed. "I love you. I'm not going anywhere. You'll talk to someone and we'll work through this. Okay?" He placed a kiss on the top of her head and then continued lightly running his fingers up and down her arm. After a few minutes of this, she pulled away and then turned to face him. He brought a hand up to her face and smiled. "You're gorgeous."

She usually blushed when he complimented her, but this time she leaned in to kiss him. His mouth instantly opened and welcomed her tongue, while one of his hands moved to cup the back of her head and the other disappeared beneath her sweater. He ran his fingers over a lace covered breast and moaned into the kiss. She broke the kiss and nipped at his lower lip before pulling back. "We can't do this down here."

"Let's go upstairs." He stood up and held out a hand to her. She grabbed it, and let him pull her up. She took care of the fire, while he put the food away, and then she let him lead her upstairs. She shut the door behind her, and smiled as he handed her the blanket from the foot of the bed. "Put it at the bottom of the door." She raised an eyebrow, but did as he asked, and then bent at the waist to unzip and remove her boots.

Harm placed his hands on her hips and walked her to the bed. His hands went to the hem of her sweater and tugged it over her head. He placed his hands on her collarbone and moved them slowly over her full breasts, and stopped at the waist of her jeans. He undid the closure and slid them down. She stepped out of them and moved her own fingers to her bras front closure, and watched his eyes darken as it fell to the floor. He cupped her breasts and stroked her nipples with his thumbs. Her eyes closed, and she took her lower lip in between her teeth.

"Lay down."

She did as he asked and propped herself up against the pillows. He tugged down her sheer navy-blue panties and tossed them aside before settling between her thighs. He nuzzled her inner thigh before introducing his tongue to her. She gasped and arched off the bed. She closed her eyes and his hands tightened on her thighs. He stopped for a moment and looked up at her. "Look at me, Mac." Her eyes opened and locked on his, and he continued to lick.

She pushed her hands into his dark hair and tugged gently. "Harm, I need you inside me. Please." He ignored her and continued to lick. "God, Harm. Please." He stood and quickly stripped off his clothes and joined her on the bed. He hovered over her for a long moment before sliding into her. She bit back a moan and dug her nails into his shoulders. "You feel so damned good," she whispered.

"God, so do you." He covered her mouth with his to stifle her moans, and thrust harder. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him deeper. He could tell by the whimpering noises she was making that she was getting closer, and he slid a hand between their bodies to rub his thumb over her clit. The orgasm hit hard and he kissed her again to silence her. He felt his own orgasm building and twisted his hips as he continued to thrust. He finally stiffened and emptied into her. He lay still for a moment before finally rolling off of her. He kissed her shoulder, her neck, and finally her lips. "Well I can't say I've ever done that in this bed before."

**End Part 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Part Three**

Harm and Mac walked into the kitchen and found his parents and grandmother sitting around the breakfast table. "Good morning!"

Trish looked from him to Mac, and raised an eyebrow. Her son had never been a morning person, and that greeting had been entirely too cheerful. "Good morning, darling."

Frank stood and brushed toast crumbs from his sweatshirt. "Ready for our run, Mac?"

She nodded and smiled. "I am. I'm pretty excited about it. I don't think I've ever run around a farm before." She filled her water bottle and gave Harm a brief kiss. "Are you sure we can't talk you into joining us?"

"I'm definitely going to pass on that. You two have fun." He watched as Frank filled his own water bottle, and the two of them headed out of the back door. He turned to his mother and grandmother. "Have you two had breakfast yet?"

Sarah nodded. "We have. Help yourself to anything in the fridge." She and Trish sat quietly while he fried two eggs and toasted a slice of homemade sourdough. When he sat down at the table, he noticed they were both watching him.

"Why are you two staring at me?"

"We've been waiting to get you alone." She glanced at Sarah, and the two women smiled. "We have something for you. I don't want you to think we're being presumptuous or anything, or think we're trying to pressure you into anything, it's just something we think you should have."

He sat down his fork and folded his hands in his lap. "I'm afraid to ask." Trish reached into the pocket of her cardigan and took out a worn and faded green velvet ring box. She placed it on the table and pushed it toward him with one finger. Harm's eyes widened and he hesitantly reached for the box. He opened the box and saw his mother's emerald cut solitaire engagement ring. He looked back up to her, and then to his grandmother.

Sarah reached over and plucked out the ring. She ran her finger over the stone and smiled. "Did you know that this diamond was originally in my engagement ring?" He shook his head. "My engagement ring had the daintiest band imaginable. It was barely thicker than a piece of string. By the time your father met your mother and I offered it to him, the band was in bad shape. So, I suggested he take the ring and have the stone reset into a new ring for your mother." Sarah handed the ring to Trish.

"I loved this ring so much." She held the diamond between her thumb and forefinger and moved a finger over the white gold band. "I would love if you did the same thing when you're ready to ask Mac to marry you." Trish handed the ring back to her son, and smiled. "She seems like the kind of woman who would appreciate a family heirloom."

He nodded and studied the ring. "She is." He ran his finger over the large stone and smiled. "She doesn't have any family. Just an uncle she doesn't see very often."

Trish frowned slightly. "What happened to her parents? Her mother?"

Harm glanced up and met her eyes. "Her father was an alcoholic. He was physically violent toward his wife, and she eventually left him." He bit his lower lip and tried to force back the image of a young Sarah MacKenzie coming home from school on her 15th birthday and finding her mother gone. "She left Mac behind too."

Sarah shook her head. "That poor girl."

He nodded and put the ring back in the box. "Her father passed away earlier this year. Her mother showed up. That was the first time Mac had seen her since she had left." He stood and slipped the ring box in his pocket. "It's going to be a while before I give this to her." He looked from his mother to his grandmother. "I'm going to ask her someday. I'd marry her tomorrow if she'd agree to it, but she wants to take things slow and enjoy this stage of our relationship."

Trish smiled and placed her hand over his. "She's worth the wait, darling."

He nodded. "I know. She's it for me. I've known that for a while."

* * *

Mac slowed as they approached the top of the hill. She came to a stop and bent over, placing her hands on her thighs. She took a few deep breaths before straightening. The view was spectacular, and she took a few steps to the boundary fence. She stood for a minute to take it all in while waiting for Frank to catch up. He approached the fence and crossed his arms over the post.

"So how are you, Mac?"

"I'm fine." She glanced at him, and then back at the hills. "Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "You seem distracted." He watched a cow in a nearby pasture and then glanced at her. "Trish is thrilled that Harm resigned. All of those close calls are hard on a mother. She asked how you reacted to the news, and he told her you were still processing it."

She bit her lower lip and looked at him. She nodded. "It was a bit of a shock." She turned her own attention to the cow and watched it for a minute. "Did Harm ever tell you about how we met?" She turned back to him in time to see him shake his head. "We met at a Rose Garden ceremony at the White House. When he received the Distinguished Flying Cross. I've seen many handsome men in uniform, but something about him just floored me. It was like I was looking at a living breathing advertisement for the Navy. He's everything an officer should be. He's honorable and trustworthy. He's so brave. He truly loves this country and is willing to sacrifice for it." She turned back to the cow. "And he truly loves the Navy. It's hard to accept that the Harmon Rabb Jr. that I met and fell in love with can just walk away from that."

"Do you think less of him for getting out?"

Frank's voice was gentle, but it felt like she had been hit. She turned to face him; her eyes wide. "No! Of course not. He doesn't lose those qualities by giving up the uniform. I'm just worried he gave it up for the wrong reason. I'm scared he did it for me. For us."

"Ah." Frank put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently. "If he did, is that such a bad thing?"

"It would be if he ever regretted it."

He offered her a gentle smile. "Whatever his reason, he's not going to regret it. Now that the obsessive search for his father is done, he can move on to other things. He wants a family. A wife and children. He told Trish he wants to spend more time with us. His father and the Navy have dominated the first thirty years of his life, and he's ready for something different for the next thirty years."

"I'm just scared. I love him. I know this sounds silly, but I didn't know love could be like this. I'm just scared I'm going to lose it." She took a deep breath. "Things have been tense since he told me. I've actually agreed to talk to a therapist about it once we get home. I want to feel confident in us, and his feelings for me again."

"You will. It'll get better." He squeezed her shoulders again. "Are you about ready to head back?"

She nodded and they began the trek back to the house. Their pace was leisurely, and Mac allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts. She was a little surprised she had told Frank so much. There was something about him though that just made her want to tell him things, and she thought for what felt like the hundredth time that her life would have been so much different if her father had been more like him.

* * *

Mac opened the door to the bedroom, and stopped in the doorway. Harm was standing in front of the dresser, buttoning his shirt while looking in the mirror. Judging by his damp hair, he was fresh from a shower. "Hey."

He turned to her and smiled. The blue button-down shirt he wore made his eyes more vibrant, and his smile still made her weak in the knees. "Hey." She walked over to him and smiled. She could smell his aftershave and she put her hand on his cheek. For some reason, she absolutely loved how his face felt immediately after he shaved. He placed his hand over hers and leaned in for a kiss. "Did you and Frank have a good run?"

She moved her fingers over his jaw and smiled. "We did. The property is absolutely gorgeous."

"It really is. After dinner we should take a walk. I'd love to show you some of my favorite places out here."

She nodded. "I'd like that." She reluctantly pulled her hand back and looked him over. "I guess I should go take a shower. You're making me feel a little underdressed."

He leaned in for another kiss. "Take your time. I'm going to go see if my grandmother needs any help. We'll be in the kitchen when you're finished."

He left her to shower and change, and headed back to the kitchen. Sarah was hoisting the turkey out of the brining solution and he grinned as she unceremoniously dropped it on to a cutting board. "What can I help with?"

She looked over her shoulder at him and grinned. "Put on an apron first. You look very handsome. I'd hate for you to get turkey parts all over your nice shirt." She waited as he grabbed an extra apron from the adjacent laundry room. "I haven't done much yet, so take your pick. The cornbread is made, if you'd like to make the dressing. Or you could start on the sweet potatoes."

He grimaced. His grandmother's sweet potatoes were cooked with an unhealthy amount of butter and brown sugar, and then topped with mini marshmallows. It wasn't a dish he cared for. "I'll start on the dressing. At least that has vegetables in it."

She rolled her eyes and went back to patting the turkey dry. "I don't think celery and onions count as vegetables when they're sautéed in multiple sticks of butter."

He set up his own work area with another large cutting board, knife, and mixing bowl. They worked in companionable silence – the only sound was the knife slicing through vegetables.

"Did her father ever hit her?"

The sound of his grandmother's voice caused him to jerk his head up, and the knife slipped. "Shit," he muttered. He grabbed a paper towel and wrapped it around his bleeding finger. He looked at her. She was watching him, a concerned look on her pretty face. "No. He was verbally abusive towards her, but as far as I know he never hit her."

Sarah nodded. "I know you said she's worth the wait. I just want to make sure you mean it. She loves you. I could see it within thirty seconds of meeting her. You can't be cavalier with her, Harm."

He frowned. "I'm not. I would never-"

She raised a hand and cut him off. "I know that. But you may need to be more patient than you think. Those scars don't heal easily." She saw him start to open her mouth and continued. "The people who should have shown her the most love instead mistreated her and abandoned her. I'm just saying it may take more time than you think for her to be truly ready."

"I know." He glanced at the stairs and then turned his attention back to her. "I will never, ever do anything to hurt her." A thought popped into his head, and he wiped the hand that wasn't bleeding on the apron, before tugging it over his head. "I'll be right back."

He ran up the stairs, and barged into his boyhood room. The bathroom door was open, and she popped her head out. She wore a bathrobe, and her hair was tucked under a towel.

"Is everything okay?"

He nodded and smiled. "I need to show you something." He went to his suitcase and pulled the ring box out of a zippered pocket. Her eyes widened and her face paled.

"Harm, we've talked about this."

"I know." He opened the box and handed it to her, but didn't take the ring out. "My mother gave this to me this morning. The stone was originally my grandmothers. My dad had it reset when he proposed to mom. And when we get home, I'm going to take it to a jeweler and have it reset for you." He sat down on the bad and smiled when she joined him. "I've already thought about what your ring would look like, but I really like the idea of using this stone, so I may have to change my original plan a bit."

"Harm-"

He leaned towards her and kissed her hairline, breathing in the coconut shampoo she used. "I'm not asking now. I know you're not ready. Hell, you weren't ready before I resigned my commission, so I know you're probably less ready now. But when we get home, I'm going to have your ring made. And then it's going in this box, and this box will go in my nightstand. And when you're ready, just let me know. You can take the box out and put it on my pillow, or hand it to me, or leave me a note, whatever. I don't care. You tell me when you're ready, and then I'll ask."

"Harm-"

"My first proposal didn't count. And all of the joking about that lead to our six-month agreement. But with everything that's happened since I've been home, I just realized you might not be ready in April. And if I did propose in April and you said no, or not yet, I know it would hurt my feelings and I probably wouldn't handle it well."

"Harm-"

"I love you, Mac. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'll take what you can give me for now, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Nothing is going to change that."

"Harm-" She saw him open his mouth again, and she quickly placed her fingers over his lips. "I love you. And I want to marry you. And I will let you know the very moment I'm ready." She looked down at the ring. The stone sparkled against its green velvet nest and she smiled. "It beautiful." She closed the box and handed it back to him. "The next time I see it, you're going to put it on my finger, and I'll proudly wear it for the rest of my life." He leaned in to kiss her. Her hand went to his neck pulled him closer. His tongue parted her lips and she let out a low moan. She indulged for another minute and then pushed him away. "I need to finish getting dressed. Go away."

He trailed his hand down her chest and stopped at the opening of the robe. "I could help…"

She raised an eyebrow and swatted at his hand. "You would be a really terrible helper. Go away. I'll be downstairs in a minute." He kissed her one more time, and flashed his most beautiful smile before hopping off the bed and returning the ring to his suitcase.

* * *

Mac entered the kitchen a little while later. Her hair was dry and lightly curled and she wore a green sweater dress with black tights and the short gray boots she had decided on during her panicked repacking. Harm lit up at the sight of her. "You look beautiful."

She beamed at him. "Thank you." She turned to Sarah. "How can I help?"

Sarah looked her over. "Apron first. That dress is lovely. Oh, to be young again and have a figure like that." She smiled as Mac blushed, and Harm handed her an apron. "Harm refuses to help with the sweet potatoes, because they're not exactly healthy. So that needs to be done."

Mac nodded. "Is there a recipe?"

"There is." Sarah wiped her hands on her apron and went to a binder and removed a recipe. "Everything you need should be in the pantry. I have more measuring cups and spoons in there as well." She gestured to the walk-in pantry. "Anything else, just ask."

Trish walked in the kitchen and smiled at the three of them. All were wearing blue and white striped aprons over their nice clothes, and were spread out over the massive island. "I want a picture of the three of you."

Harm glanced up and saw the expensive camera hanging from his mother's neck and groaned. "Another hobby, mom?"

"Hush. I took lessons with a photographer who had an exhibit at my gallery. I've gotten pretty good. Now. The three of you get together." She waited while her son positioned himself between the two women and wrapped an arm around each waist. She took a few photos and smiled. "Thank you." She put the cap back on her lens and went to a cabinet. "I'll go set the table."

"There's going to be six of us this evening." Trish and Harm both glanced at Sarah. Trish smiled at Sarah's blush, while Harm frowned. "Andrew, the man I've been seeing, is joining us." Trish beamed and reached for another place setting.

Mac noticed Harm's scowl and lightly pinched him. He winced and rubbed his arm. "What was that for?"

"Stop scowling."

Sarah laughed and squeezed Mac's arm. "Good luck with that request, sweetheart." She put one finger on the prominent wrinkle in between his eyes. "I think the frowning he's done over the men his mother and I have dated is the sole cause for this particular wrinkle."

He thawed as Mac laughed and Sarah smiled at her. He couldn't remember the last time his heart had felt this light, or he had been this happy. He just knew he wanted to feel this way forever.

**End Part 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Part Four**

He really hoped that Mac's appointment with her counselor was more productive than his was. He hadn't had high expectations, since he knew he wasn't going through a mid-life crisis. He was simply ready for a change, and was honestly getting tired of explaining this to people.

Harm stepped out of the elevator and into a woman. He stepped back and instinctively extended his arms to stabilize her, and almost immediately dropped them when he saw who he was holding. "Jordan." He smiled and pulled her to him for a semi-awkward hug. "It's great to see you."

She returned the hug, and smiled. "It's great to see you too." She seemed to remember that they were at the medical center and frowned. "Is everything okay?"

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "I guess it depends on who you ask. I've resigned my commission and Mac insisted that I speak to a therapist about this 'mid-life crisis'. So, since I still have time before my medical benefits expire, I figure I should go ahead and do it." Jordan's wide eyed and open-mouthed stare made him uncomfortable and he crossed his arms over his chest while he waited for her to speak.

"Jesus, Harm. I was not expecting that."

"Yeah, that's the pretty standard response I've been getting." He glanced around the lobby they were standing in. "Do you have time to grab some coffee and catch up?"

She glanced at her watch and nodded. "I have a little time."

They began walking to the Starbucks in the corner. He placed his hand on her arm. "I'll grab the coffees. What'll you have?"

"Just a regular coffee. Black. I'll go grab a table." Jordan watched him head to the counter, and self-consciously checked her hair in one of the many windows. She sat down at a fairly private table and set her purse on one of the chairs. She watched him at the counter and drummed her fingers against the table. Based on the young barista's smile, she guessed he was turning on the charm. It had been a while since their break-up, and she had almost forgotten how attractive he was. She watched as the young woman handed him two cups, and he turned and scanned the tables for her.

Harm saw her sitting in a corner and headed to her. He handed her one of the cups, and sat across from her. "So, how've you been?"

She sipped her coffee before answering. "Pretty good. You?"

He shrugged. "Can't complain. It's been a pretty insane year." He went on to tell her about his eye surgery and his return to flying."

She shook her head in amazement. "Let me make sure I have this straight. You were able to become a pilot again, and then decided to leave the Navy all together? None of this makes any sense, Harm."

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I know. But it feels right." He sipped his coffee. "I'm not having a mid-life crisis, or any crisis really. I'm simply burnt out. I just want to do something different."

Jordan shook her head. "I never saw this coming. I thought you would be a lifer."

"I thought I would be too. But ever since finding out my dad's fate, none of this has mattered as much as it once did."

She was quiet for a moment while she studied him. He looked good. Better than he had while they were together. His eyes were brighter. His smile lines were more pronounced, which made her think he smiled more than he had before. He looked happy. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. "Are you and Mac together?" She couldn't help but smile when he nodded. "How long did it take once we broke up?" His cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink, and she guessed it happened instantly.

"It took about two weeks for her to decide to give us a chance."

She didn't believe him, but she didn't want to press him on it. It had been almost nine months since their break-up, and she had moved on. But she didn't care to hear that he had instantly gone to Sarah MacKenzie that night. "You look really happy. Are you happy?"

He smiled and nodded. "I really am."

"I'm glad." And she was. He was genuinely a good guy, and she wanted to see him happy. Even if it wasn't with her.

"What about you? What's new in your world?"

Jordan took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Well, I actually received new orders recently. I'm going to Spain."

He whistled lightly. "Not too shabby."

She smiled. "I'm looking forward to it. I've been here for a while, and I think a fresh start will be really nice."

* * *

Commander Brenda Daniels rolled a pen back and forth over her desk. Sarah MacKenzie had been sitting in one of her chairs for several minutes, and had yet to say anything. She was here because she was having anxiety over some changes in her personal life. "Do you want to talk about your anxiety?"

Mac bit her lower lip and stood. She walked over to a window and looked at the outside world. Two men were struggling with a large Christmas tree, and she briefly wondered if Harm was a real tree or artificial tree person. She turned to face Commander Daniels. "The man that I've been seeing for a while came home from a six-month deployment and told me he was resigning his commission. He's a pilot. And I'm glad he won't be deploying anymore, or getting himself in dangerous situations. But I'm afraid that he resigned for me, and that someday he'll regret this decision and blame me for it."

"Have you asked him to resign?"

Mac shook her head. "No. Never."

Brenda's voice was gentle. "So why do you think he'll blame you for this?"

She swallowed and looked away. "Before he deployed, I was anxious about the long-distance aspect. He casually mentioned that we could get married and put in for spousal co-location, and I could try to join him in Pensacola. I told him no. That would be a step back for my career, and I wouldn't do it." Their eyes met, and she swallowed again.

Brenda made a note on her pad. "Colonel, I feel like I'm missing something. If he's a pilot out of Pensacola and you're here, the long distance would be something you're already used to."

She wrapped her arms around her middle and sat back down. "We used to work together." She smiled sadly. "We actually worked together up until about five days before he deployed. But he changed his designator to return to a fighter squadron and left JAG. Once he was there, he realized it wasn't a good fit, and he wasn't happy on their aircraft carrier. But if he changed designators again and came back to JAG, that would create problems with us."

"Ah." Daniels made another note on her legal pad. "I'm assuming you've talked to him about this."

"He's been home for a month, and it's come up nearly every day. His story is that he's burnt out. It's a long story, but his father was an aviator who went down on Christmas Eve in 1969. He's spent his entire life searching for the truth about what happened to him, and finally found out last year. He says that the Navy has dominated his life since he was six years old, and he's just ready to do something different."

"And you don't believe him?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure what I believe anymore." She folded her hands together and placed them in her lap. She felt fidgety, and not having anything to do with her hands was making her more uncomfortable. "Part of me does believe him. Which opens up a separate set of worries."

"Like what?"

"I guess… I guess I'm just worried that since he outgrew the Navy, something he loved so much, that he'll eventually outgrow me." She stood and walked over to the water pitcher. She poured a tall glass and drained most of it.

"Do you question his feelings for you?"

"No." Mac answered the question without even the slightest bit of hesitation. She pictured the expression in his eyes right before he kissed her. She could almost feel his hand on her cheek, and his fingers running over her jaw and cheekbone. Even without the words, she could feel the love in every single touch. "I do worry that it won't last, but right now I know with absolute certainty that he loves me."

* * *

"It smells so good in here."

He turned to face her and grinned. "I'm glad you think so." He sat the wooden spoon on top of the pot and made his way over to her. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips, and another on her neck. "Mushroom bourguignon and polenta." She wrinkled her nose and he laughed. "You won't miss the meat, I promise."

She ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "I'll try anything once." She looked him over and smiled. "You look comfortable. Do I have time to change before dinner?"

He nodded. "Everything is ready except the polenta. But I was waiting until you were ready to eat before making that."

"I'll just be a minute." She leaned in to kiss him again, and disappeared to the bedroom.

A few minutes later she returned wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, and found Harm already at the table. She took her seat and looked down at the bowl of mushrooms and polenta, and then back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Just try it." He waited as she took a bite, and smirked when her eyes widened. "It's good, right?"

She nodded and took another bite. "It really is." She took a few more bites before looking up at him. "So how was your day?"

He sat down his fork and looked at her. "I had an appointment with a therapist today. And while I was there, I ran into Jordan."

Her fork paused in mid-air, and she gaped at him. "Harm, thank you for going to see a therapist. I really do appreciate that. But I really don't think it's appropriate for Jordan to counsel you."

He snorted. "All three of us definitely agree on that. I saw the therapist, and then I ran into Jordan as I was leaving." He watched as she sat the fork down and leaned back. "We had coffee and talked for a bit. She actually got orders and is headed to Spain."

"So, what does she think about the dramatic turn your life has taken?"

He rolled his eyes. Talk about dramatic… "She was obviously surprised. But she told me that I look happy." He grinned as she tried not to smile. "That's all you, Mac. No matter where I end up career-wise, you make me happy. I hope you know that."

"I do." Her voice was soft. "I saw a therapist today, too. And I told her that I don't doubt your feelings for me."

"You just think they won't last."

"I'm afraid they won't last. There is a difference." She bit her lower lip. "I realized today that one of the things I'm worried about is that you are right, and that this has nothing to do with us, and you did outgrow the Navy."

His face softened and he reached for her hand. "And you think I'll outgrow you?" He shook his head and brought her hand to his lips. "That's not going to happen." He let go of her hand and leaned back. "Are you going to see the therapist again?"

She nodded. "I am. It was hard at first. To talk about us. To talk about my insecurities. But I felt better by the end of the session."

"I'm glad," he said with a smile. He gestured at her bowl. "Eat up. I have something I want to show you when we're done with dinner."

* * *

"Where are you taking me?" Mac looked out the window of the SUV and frowned. They had left DC and were making their way towards Fairfax, Virginia. "I feel like I've seen this movie. Are you taking me to an isolated spot to have me murdered?"

He rolled his eyes. "If I were going to have you murdered, I'd at least wait until we were married so I could collect the insurance money." He flashed her a smile and she laughed. "I am taking you to the middle of nowhere, but we're almost there. Be patient."

She smiled at him, and turned her attention back to the window. They really were in the middle of nowhere. Everything looked vaguely rundown and unkempt. He took a turn and made his way to what looked like what was once an airstrip. He stopped in the middle of the airstrip and turned the car off. She looked around, and then at him. "Where exactly are we?"

He opened his door and grinned. "Come with me." He hurried over to her side of the car and grabbed her hand. She couldn't help but smile at his contagious enthusiasm. After a minute he came to a stop and smiled broadly. He let go of her hand and spread his arms wide. "Welcome to Hammer Aviation."

Her eyes widened and she turned in a slow circle. The airstrip wasn't the only thing that looked like it had seen better days. The two hangars would be better off being torn down and rebuilt, and the same could be said for a decrepit building at the other end of the airpark. Although she did find the vintage sign that advertised ice cold sodas charming. She finished looking around the property and looked back at him. "I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?"

Harm grinned. "Hammer Aviation." He pulled her towards one of the hangars. "This used to be a popular airpark, but it closed in the 60's. The airstrip was in bad shape and the owner just let it go. I tracked him down and talked him into selling it to me. It obviously needs a lot of work, and he liked my story, so he sold it to me for a steal." He walked in a small circle, and took it all in. "Back in the day a lot went on out here. Obviously, it was used as a small airport, and people could rent space to store their planes. But they also did pilot training, they had an aircraft rental company here to handle rentals and sales. Maintenance was done here. There were airshows and flying clubs. And all of that with a pretty piss poor airstrip." He glanced at her and noticed she was staring at him, her eyes wide and her mouth open slightly. "Mac? Say something."

She opened and shut her mouth a few times, before finally finding her words. "You bought an airpark?"

He nodded. He watched as she tilted her head to the side and studied him. "It's going to be a huge job getting this up and running, but I'm really excited about it. I found this place online and did my research. I think it has a lot of potential. I even have a few investors lined up." He watched as she turned in another circle, still taking it in. He approached her from behind, and circled his arms around her waist. "What's on your mind?"

She placed her hands on his and squeezed before turning to face him, and circling her arms around his neck. "I think you're a little bit insane. But I can see it." He laughed and dropped his head to hers for a kiss.

**End Part 4**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes:** So, I just have to say my peace about that stupid NCIS episode. _**In my world, it does not exist.**_ After the incredibly disappointing X-Files & Gilmore Girls revival, I didn't have a good feeling about the NCIS appearance from the moment it was announced. I had hoped I would be wrong, but I just had a feeling. And personally, I think doing that to those characters and to the fans is complete bullshit. Especially when it's just a brief arc on another series, and not a JAG revival/reboot. I know people keep talking about that leading to one, but I don't see how that would even work. So, in my world, it never happened. I'm just going to pretend it was all a dream like that old show Dallas. In my world, Harm resigned his commission, they moved to San Diego, they adopted two children, and lived happily ever after.

**Part Five**

"A little to the right." Mac watched as Harm shifted their Christmas tree in the stand, and smiled when it was finally straight. "Stop! It's perfect."

He finished tightening the screws, and then moved to join her. He stepped behind her and circled his arms around her waist. It was a nice tree. She had spent nearly an hour walking up and down each aisle of the tree farm, looking for the perfect one. She inspected each tree, judging their symmetry, their height, and the dryness of the branches. And it was utterly charming. He hadn't cared much for Christmas for most of his life, but he could see that changing with her. "I can't even remember the last time I had a real Christmas tree. Mom thought they were too messy, so she prefers the artificial ones."

She wrinkled her nose. "We always had artificial trees when I was growing up. My mom bought ours at a thrift shop one year a few days after Christmas, and we used it every single year. At least until she left."

He kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms around her. "Did you and your dad do anything for Christmas after that?" She rarely spoke about her family, and he was always a little hesitant when she did. He wanted to hear what she had to say, but didn't want to come across as pushy or insensitive. He was learning that she spoke the most freely when she felt safe.

She shook her head. "No. I didn't have a Christmas tree again until I was on my own."

He nuzzled her neck and grinned as she shivered. "This is the first Christmas I've looked forward to in thirty years. And that's because of you."

She turned in his embrace, and looped her arms around his neck. "Hopefully the holidays will just keep getting better and better."

Her attempt at confidence made him smile broadly. He knew she was still anxious about their future, but she was trying. And right now, that was more than enough for him. "They will." He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her face up before kissing her.

Mac enjoyed the kiss for a minute, before forcing herself to step back. He took a step closer, and she stopped him with a hand on his chest. "Our tree isn't going to decorate itself, Harm."

* * *

He watched her meticulously wrap a strand of lights around the tree and couldn't help but smile. Even though she had demanded he step away from the lights when he had tried to help. Apparently, his way of lighting the tree left uneven spaces between the strands. He decided to spend the time building a fire and left her to finish the lights. Once the fire was going, he turned his attention back to her. "Please tell me you won't demand this level of perfection when our kids want to help with the tree."

She rolled her eyes and continued wrapping the tree in tiny white lights. "They can hang the ornaments however they want. But I will always be very particular about the lights."

He picked up an ornament from one of the open boxes and smiled. It was a dinosaur wearing a Santa cap. He turned his attention back to her and perched on the edge of the sofa. "How many kids do you want?"

Mac turned to face him and cocked her head to the side. "Haven't we talked about this already?"

He shook his head. "We talked about the challenges of having a family and deployments. And I mentioned that when I thought about the future, I saw a little girl who looked like you. But we've never talked about how many."

She shrugged and smiled, before turning back to the tree. "I'm not really sure. I want to be a mother, but that's a more recent desire. I didn't play mommy to dolls when I was little. I never baby sat or spent time with children, or really had any desire to have one until... Well, until recently."

"What made you think about it?"

She finished putting the last of the lights on the tree and turned to face him. "I'm not scared of being like my parents anymore. And that's thanks to Bud and Chloe." She carefully stepped around the boxes of ornaments and decorations and sat on his lap. "I look at Bud and I see that a person that faced some of the same issues growing up that I did, and I see that it hasn't stopped him from loving Harriet and now AJ with everything he has. As for Chloe… I absolutely love that kid. And that love hasn't gone away, even when she was at her most frustrating. I loved spending time with her, and teaching her things. Spending time with her taught me a lot about children, and it's shown me that I really want one of my own." She took a deep breath and smiled. "They've both shown me that none of us have to make the same mistakes that our parents did."

He tucked her hair behind her ear, and admired how beautiful she was. The Christmas tree lights and roaring fire bathed the apartment in warm light, and made her skin glow. "You'll be a great mom." She beamed, and his heart felt overwhelmingly full. "I can see it so vividly." He handed her the dinosaur ornament and smiled. "I see you chaperoning school trips to the Natural History Museum. I can see you going through their Halloween candy and stealing all of the Reese's cups for yourself." She snorted and he laughed. "I see us taking a lot of trips to California so they can have plenty of time with their grandparents." He placed a kiss on her forehead. "I see a happy family. Neither of us had that, and I know we'll both do everything in our power to give our kids more than we had." She nodded and he brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. "So, back to my original question. How many?"

She bit her lower lip and placed her hands on his shoulders. "I'd like at least two. But no more than three."

He grinned. "I think two is a good number. I wouldn't want them outnumbering us." She laughed and he leaned in for a kiss.

* * *

"So why are you not telling your coworkers about your relationship with Harm?" Mac stopped bouncing her leg, and Brenda Daniels forced back a smile. "You've told me that you've been together for a while, and that you don't doubt his feelings for you."

Mac pressed her lips together and then exhaled. "That's right."

"So why haven't you told your coworkers?"

She shrugged. "I don't understand why random people need to know. His family knows. Our closest friends know. My commanding officer knows. Why is it important that everyone else know?"

Brenda shrugged. "Why are you so adamant that people not know?"

"I'm not!" Brenda raised her eyebrows and Mac took a deep breath. "I'm not," she repeated in a more reasonable tone. "I just don't want my personal life to be the main feature on the office gossip column. Last year one of my coworkers told me that everyone assumed that we were sleeping together while on work trips out of town. I just know that it would be so much worse if they actually know we are sleeping together."

"If they already assume, why not just tell them? You don't work together anymore. It's likely not as big of a deal as you think it is." She tilted her head to the side and studied her patient. "Is there another reason you don't want your relationship to be public knowledge?"

Mac stood and walked over to the bookcase. She spent a minute running her fingers over the titles before turning back to Brenda. "Initially it was because I was hoping that he'd come back to JAG, and I wanted us to be able to work together."

Brenda waited a minute for her to continue. When Mac said nothing, she crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair. "You said that was the reason initially. What's the reason now?"

"What if it doesn't work out?" Mac looked up and her eyes locked with Brenda's. "I can't imagine how uncomfortable it would be at work if everyone knew that we gave it a shot and it didn't work.

Brenda offered her a sympathetic smile. "What if it does work out? What if the two of you have a long and happy life together?"

"I know. It's just… I feel like it'll be easier on my ego if it ends and no one knows about us."

"Is that fair to you? Or to your partner?"

"Harm." Mac's voice was soft. "His name is Harm. And I know it's unfair to him. This has been a point of contention for us since the very beginning. He claims to understand where I'm coming from. Well, at least he did while he was still on the carrier."

"And Harm doesn't understand anymore?"

Mac shook her head. "No. He doesn't understand at all." She looked at her hands and noticed a pen mark on one of her fingers. She rubbed at it for a minute before continuing. "He was dating someone else last year. And she actually told me that sometimes she thought that what they had would last forever, and sometimes she thought it would last until I decided I wanted him. At the time I thought she was an insecure mess, and I was so annoyed by the fact that he always seemed to go for these neurotic, insecure women. And now here I am."

"Is there someone else in his life now? Another woman he works closely with to make you feel like she did?"

She shook her head. "No."

Brenda leaned forward and folded her hands in front of her. "Colonel, I know you're here with me because he requested it, and you told me at the beginning of our session that you thought talking to me helped. So why not try giving him something else that he's asking for?" Mac opened her mouth, so she hurried on. "Telling your coworkers doesn't have to be a big thing. Drop it into conversation with someone. Put a photo of the two of you in your office. Just think about it."

* * *

"Harm?" Mac sat her keys on the table and looked around the apartment. It was quiet, and most of the lights were off. She made her way to the bedroom to change, and saw the light blinking on her answering machine. She hit play and began to unbutton her blouse.

"Hey, it's me. It's about 5:30, and I'm still at the airpark. I'm absolutely disgusting and don't want to bring this level of filth to your place, so I'm going to stop by my apartment and shower and change before coming over. I'm not sure how late I'll be, but I'll give you a call when I'm leaving my apartment."

An idea began to form. They had spent every single night of their relationship at her place, and it might be nice to surprise him at his. Mac quickly stripped off her skirt and stockings, and changed into dark jeans and a bulky pale blue sweater. She grabbed an overnight bag and threw in the essentials, grabbed a clean uniform and headed back into the frigid December night.

Traffic was heavy at 6:00, so even though it was less than five miles from her apartment to his, the drive took much longer. She was relieved that he hadn't made it home yet, and let herself in. She put her uniform and overnight bag in the bedroom, and made her way to the kitchen to put away the groceries she had picked up. He liked to tease her about her ineptitude in the kitchen, but that wasn't actually the case. There was a big difference in not knowing how to cook, and not wanting to cook. And tonight, she wanted to cook.

She had the salmon seasoned, the salad dressing made, and was washing the rice when she heard his key in the lock. He opened the door and stopped in his tracks. He couldn't help the smile that instantly lit up his face, and she felt something inside her warm.

He took off his coat and made his way to her. "God, you're a sight for sore eyes."

She looked him over. "You weren't kidding. You are filthy."

He snorted. "That's the understatement of the century." He looked at the food resting on the counter and raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes and he grinned. "What made you decide to come over here?"

"I figured you'd be exhausted. I thought I'd surprise you."

He tucked her hair behind her ear, and not wanting to get his filth all over her, he leaned in for a very quick peck. "Thank you. What are you making?"

"A tahdig."

"I have no idea what that is."

She laughed and went back to the sink. "It's a Persian rice dish. The bottom of the rice gets perfectly crunchy and delicious, while the rest is just regular steamed rice. I'm also making spiced salmon, and a mixed green salad." She swirled the rice around a bit more, drained it, and smiled when it finally ran clear. She looked back at him and found him staring at her. She blushed and turned back to the rice.

He approached her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm going to go take a shower. Will you tell me more about Persian food when I get back?"

Mac looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. "I'd love to."

* * *

His shower was fast, since he wasn't sure how long her meal would take. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, and made his way back to the kitchen. "Anything I can do?"

Mac shook her head and wiped off the counter with a sponge. "The rice is cooking and the salmon is roasting." He sat down on a bar stool, and she walked over to him. His legs spread as she approached, and she stood between them. His hands instantly went to her hips, and he pulled her close. Their lips touched, and his hands tightened on her.

After a long moment, she pushed back and tried to bring her breathing back under control. "Hold that thought until after dinner." She stepped closer, and threaded her fingers through his damp hair. "So why were you so filthy?"

"We started clearing out the structures today. Since we're not going to have to bulldoze them, we have to get them cleaned out before the contractors come in. There wee newspapers and magazines from the 60's still inside. The place is an absolute pit."

She offered him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

He smiled and rubbed his hands up and down her sides. "It's going to be a lot of work, but I think I'm going to really enjoy the process." He slipped his hands under her shirt, and reveled in the softness of her skin. "How was your day?"

"It was good." She bit her lower lip, and looked down before forcing herself to meet his eyes. "I had another therapy appointment today."

His eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah. I told you I was going to keep seeing her."

He nodded. "I know. It's just still a little surprising." He moved his thumbs over her ribcage. "May I ask what you talked about today?"

She offered him a small smile. "You, mostly. And the fact that you want to tell everyone about us, and I don't."

"Ah." He dropped his hands back to her hips and squeezed. "Does she agree with you?"

Mac shook her head. "Actually, she agrees with you." His eyes widened and she smiled. "I came to the realization that I don't want to tell anyone because it'll be less painful if no one knows in case we don't work out."

"Mac-"

She shook her head. "I know, I know." She took a deep breath. "Harm, would you like to go to the Admiral's Christmas party with me next week?" His smile made her feel like the world's biggest asshole for not making their relationship public sooner. He leaned in to kiss her again, and she beamed at him when they parted. "I guess that's a yes?"

He smiled and nodded, before kissing her again. His hands moved back under her sweater, and he immediately hardened when his fingers brushed over a bare breast. He moaned into her mouth and pulled back. "Please tell me you don't go braless all the time." She moved closer to him, and closed her eyes as his fingers lightly pinched her nipple. He pulled his lips from hers, and attached them to her neck. "How much time before dinner?"

"About 17 minutes."

He stood and pulled the sweater over her head. His mouth instantly latched onto a breast, and her hands went to the button on his jeans. He pulled back momentarily so they could rid themselves of their clothes. Once their clothes were on the floor, his mouth went to her other breast, and her hand closed around him and began to stroke. He backed her into the sturdy apartment door, his mouth never leaving her. He moved one hand down her body, and slid a finger inside her. He found her hot and soaking wet, and his own arousal soared. Ignoring her whimpers, he pulled his mouth off of her, and dropped to his knees in front of her.

**End Part 5 **


	6. Chapter 6

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Part Six**

"For the love of God, please stop."

Mac looked up at Sturgis and then to the pen in her hand. "Was I tapping it again?"

"Yes."

She blushed and let it fall to the conference room table. "Sorry."

He took the pen and put it beside his. "Why are you so anxious?"

She glanced toward the door, making sure it was still closed, and then looked back at him. "I… I'm bringing a date to Admiral Chegwidden's Christmas party."

His eyes widened momentarily, and then he smiled. "So, you're finally bringing Harm out of the closet?" She nodded and his smile widened. "I'm really happy to hear that, Mac. He must be thrilled."

"He really is." She felt the urge to fidget again, so she folded her hands and placed them in her lap. "He's so excited that it makes me feel even guiltier for keeping us a secret for so long."

Sturgis shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "He understands, Mac. He may not like it, and he may not agree with you, but he does understand."

"I know." She eyed the pen, and smiled when Sturgis rolled his eyes and slid it over to her. "Are you bringing Bobbi?"

He nodded. "I am. I just hope this one is more fun than her Christmas party was." He winced at the memory of the Congressional party he had attended with her

"It will be," Mac promised him. "What are your plans for the actual holiday?"

He picked up his coffee mug and took a sip. "My dad is in the area, so we're going to spend Christmas Eve with him. Christmas Day we'll be two of the crazy people at the airport – we're flying to Michigan to spend a couple of days with her family."

Mac's eyes widened. "Have you met her family before?"

"No, not yet. Are you and Harm spending Christmas with family?"

"No. I don't have any family, and the Burnett's are going on a luxury cruise. And I think his grandmother is going to Florida to visit her sister."

Sturgis cocked his head to the side. "You don't have any family? Any?"

She bit her lower lip and shook her head. "My father died last year, but we hadn't had a relationship in a very long time My mother and I are also estranged."

He studied her for a long moment, and finally had a better understanding of her nervousness over her relationship with Harm. "I'm sorry, Mac."

"Don't be. They haven't been in my life since I was a teenager, and I don't miss them." She picked up the pen and then realized what she was about to do and sat it back down. "I have good friends, and I have Harm. I've spent the past couple of years building a different kind of family."

* * *

Harm was nervous. He had been excited since the moment she had asked, but now that the night was here, he had to admit he was a little nervous. Other than Bud, Harriet, and Sturgis, he hadn't seen any of his former coworkers since he had been back.

He glanced at his watch and realized he needed to begin getting ready. He closed the bedroom door and grabbed his suit from the mounted hook. The suit was black and fitted, and he knew it looked damned good on him. And Mac more or less salivated every time he put on the light blue, white, and silver striped tie.

"Harm, have you seen my -" She trailed off as she walked into the bedroom.

He grinned as her eyes moved over him. He dropped the pants onto the bed and moved closer to her. He placed his hands on her waist and placed a gentle kiss on her neck. She wore a lavender silk robe, smelled like lemongrass and ginger, and his nervousness immediately faded. "Have I seen your what?"

She placed her hands on his shoulders and smiled. "Have you seen my diamond earrings? The ones from Uncle Matt?"

He nodded. "They were too close to the edge of the sink. It made me nervous. They're on your nightstand."

She beamed at him, appreciating his thoughtfulness. "Thank you." She kissed him lightly, and then took a step back. "I'm going to go finish getting dressed."

His hands gripped the ends of the robe sash, and when she stepped back, the tie came undone, and he was instantly hard. "Jesus, Mac…" Beneath the robe she wore impossibly sheer black lingerie. The bodysuit was lace, sheer mesh, and had a neckline that plunged nearly to her naval. He stepped closer to her, and his hands itched to touch her. He placed his palms on her shoulders, and gently pushed the robe off. It pooled in a puddle of lavender satin on the floor, and his hands moved to her barely covered breasts. Nearly nine months of being together, and he had never seen her in anything like this.

"Surprise." Her voice was low, and she placed a hand on the back of his head and pulled him to her for a long, deep kiss. She pulled away and placed a hand on his chest. "You weren't supposed to see this until after the party tonight."

His fingers brushed over her hard nipples, and then traced the delicate straps. "What's the occasion?"

"Just because." She gave him another kiss. "I went shopping with Maddie for a dress the other day, and she's very into lingerie. I realized I've never worn anything like this for you, and thought it would be a fun surprise."

"This is a really, really fun surprise." He started to push one of the straps off her shoulder, and she shook her head and stepped away from him. "Mac, you can't be serious."

"If you take this off of me now, we'll never make it to the party. You're going to have to wait." She grabbed the earrings from the nightstand and ducked back into the bathroom before he had a chance to say another word.

* * *

"Mac, are you almost ready?" It had been twenty minutes since she had disappeared back into the bathroom. He had dressed quickly, and then opened a window in the living room to stand in front of. It had taken longer than he'd like to admit to cool down, but he now finally felt in control of himself. At least he had until she had walked out of the bathroom.

Her dress complemented his tie. The actual dress hit a couple of inches above her knees, was fitted, black, and had a plunging neckline. But there was a gauzy lace layer over the simple black dress, that fell below her knees and was embroidered with small blue flowers. The lace overlay made the dress modest enough for an evening with coworkers, but she still looked positively stunning. She wore impossibly high black heels, the diamond studs, and her hair fell in a sleek, dark curtain to her shoulders.

"You look incredible."

She beamed at him. "You look pretty good yourself." She ran her fingers over his tie and looked up to meet his eyes. "We should go."

"We should." He reached for her long black coat and helped her into it, before putting on his own. "Shall we?"

Mac bit her lip, and then nodded. "Let's go."

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

They headed down to his car and she smiled as he opened the door for her. The drive to the Admiral's house was mostly quiet. He knew she was nervous, and let her be. Once they crossed the Potomac, he reached for her hand and squeezed gently. "Let's talk about Christmas."

She turned from the window and smiled at him. "Christmas falls every year on December 25th. It's-"

He cut her off & rolled his. "You're such a smart ass," he teased. He squeezed her hand. "Anything special you want to do for Christmas?"

She shrugged. "I hadn't thought about it. I assumed we'd do a nice dinner at home, you'd go visit your dad, and we'd just take it easy."

He glanced at her, and then turned back to the road. "What if I go visit my dad the morning of the 24th, and then we get away for a couple of days."

Mac cocked her head to the side. "What did you have in mind?"

"I'm not sure. I just like that mom and Frank have always spent Christmas going someplace exciting. At least that's what they've done since I stopped coming home. It might be nice for us to do that."

She glanced at the piles of gray snow on the side of the road and looked back at him. "I wouldn't mind heading to a warmer climate for a few days."

"Warm it is. So, Hawaii? Aruba? The Maldives? Belize? Bermuda? Bora Bora?"

Her eyes widened. "Do we have to decide right this minute?"

"Not this exact minute. But Christmas is in two weeks, so we probably need a plan."

"Let's do Bora Bora. I've never been, and I'd love to spend at least one night in one of the bungalows over the water."

* * *

Mac took a deep breath as he pulled up to the valet stand. He reached over and squeezed her knee. "Are you ready?" She nodded and he opened the car door. He handed the keys to the young man waiting and took the ticket from him. He hurried over to her side of the car and opened her door. He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as they made their way to the front door.

"I almost wish we were late so we could make an appearance and everyone would find out at the same time." He laughed, and dropped a kiss on her hair line. She took another deep breath and rang the doorbell.

Admiral Chegwidden opened the door, and smiled broadly. "Mac, Harm, come on in." He shook Harm's hand, and moved to take Mac's coat. "I'm going go put these in the guest room. You two help yourselves to food and drinks."

Mac watched him walk away and glanced around the room. She knew Harriet had helped him decorate, and his home managed to look festive and elegant at the same time. She felt a hand on the small of her back and returned her attention to Harm.

"I'm going to get a drink," he said. "Want anything?"

She nodded. "Tonic water, please."

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I'll be right back."

She smiled at him, and then noticed Tiner staring at them, his eyes wide with surprise. She offered him a tentative smile and then looked around the room. She wished Sturgis and Bobbi, or Bud and Harriet were already here. Basically, anyone who already knew about her and Harm, and wouldn't act like this was big deal. She heard the doorbell, and watched AJ hurry from the guest room to the front door. When he stepped back to let his guests in, she inwardly groaned. Caroline Imes and her date made their way into the house, and Mac felt her stomach clench. Mac watched as her eyes landed on Harm and immediately recognized curiosity on the other woman's face.

Harm took the drinks from the bartender and made his way back to Mac. He handed her the drink and took a sip of his. He had heard Caroline come in, and could see the nervousness all over Mac's face. He placed his hand on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "You don't have to tell her anything," he whispered before pulling away. "Just tell her it's none of her business."

"Harm, it's so good to see you! What on earth are you doing here?"

Mac turned away from him and faced Carolyn. She offered her a smile and slipped her hand into his. "He's here as my date."

"Date?" Carolyn's eyes widened, and then she smirked. "Well, well, well. How long has this been going on?"

Harm shrugged and looked at Mac. She squeezed his hand, and smiled. "We started seeing each other right before he left JAG."

"Jordan's comments that night got to you too, I'm guessing." She winked at Mac, who promptly blushed. "So, you're the secret boyfriend Mic kept teasing her about?"

"Not so secret anymore." Harm noticed Bud & Harriet at the door, and gently tugged on her hand. "Bud and Harriet are here." He glanced at Carolyn and offered her a polite smile. "We'll catch up later."

* * *

Harm watched as she slipped out the front door, and frowned. He excused himself from the conversation he was having and went after her. She was leaning against the porch rail, rubbing her bare arms. He slid out of his jacket and draped it over her shoulders, before standing next to her. She immediately pulled the lapels close together and turned to face him.

"Thanks."

He placed his hand on her cheek and moved his thumb over the soft skin. "Anytime. Are you okay?"

Mac nodded. "I am. Just a little overwhelmed. They," she waved her hand at the house, "have all apparently fantasized about seeing you out of uniform many times over the past few years and felt the need to tell me about it."

He imagined having to listen to people telling him about their fantasies that included her, and winced. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head and moved closer to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he adjusted the jacket so it didn't fall. "It's not your fault." She dropped her head to his chest, and he ran his fingers though her hair. "I guess this would feel different if I had had a normal childhood. Most of the girls in my high school would gossip about their boyfriends and dates. I didn't have girlfriends. Let alone decent boys to gossip about. If I had, I might be better at this."

"It's okay to be a private person, sweetheart."

"I know." She inhaled his scent and felt a little less anxious. "I love you."

He kissed the top of her head and held her a little tighter. "I know. I love you too."

"Sir, Ma'am?"

Mac raised her head, and both turned to see Tiner in the doorway. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but the Admiral is gathering everyone for a toast."

She smiled at the younger man and nodded. "Thank you, Tiner. We'll be right there." He went back inside and she handed Harm his jacket. He slipped it back on and reached for her hand and went back inside. Mac grabbed a goblet of water from the bar, and Harm took a glass of the champagne that was being passed around.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight," Admiral Chegwidden started. "I know most of us probably see enough of each other during the week, but it's always nice to gather together for a more festive reason." His eyes scanned the room, and he smiled. He felt such pride at this remarkable group of people gathered in his home. "It's been a chaotic year. We've said goodbye to members of our family, and welcomed new ones. We literally had one born in my office." He grinned at Harriet, while everyone laughed. "This will likely be the last time we're all together for the rest of the year, since everyone is starting to take their holiday leave, so I just want to take a moment to say thank you for all you do, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday." He raised his glass, and waited for everyone to do the same. "Cheers!"

"Cheers!"

* * *

Mac slid into the drivers seat while Harm slipped the valet a few bills. He felt fine to drive, but knew it wasn't worth the risk. She pulled off her heels and threw them in the backseat before adjusting the seat and mirrors.

"Did you have fun tonight?"

She glanced at him quickly. "I did, actually."

"Good." He leaned his head back and smiled. "Hey Mac?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't regret my decision to get out."

She glanced at him again, and bit her lower lip. "How did you know I was wondering about that?"

"I know you." He placed his hand on her thigh and squeezed. "It was great seeing everyone, and a little awkward for the first few minutes. But I have no regrets."

The rest of the drive home was quiet. She focused on the road, and tried to ignore the patterns he was tracing on her thigh. She had been aroused before they had even left the apartment, and the questions from her female coworkers had kept the thought of sex front and center for the entire evening.

Mac neared her apartment and took the first parking spot she saw, instead of driving around for a closer on. She grabbed her shoes and slid them back on before hopping out of the car. She had barely shut the front door when he pressed her into it. His lips were instantly on her throat, and his hands roamed her back. She pushed him away and grinned. "Ready to unwrap your present?" She turned her back to him and brushed her hair aside so he could see the top of the hidden zipper. She could feel his erection press into her back and bit back a moan. He kissed the back of her neck before stepping back to reach for the zipper. He unzipped the dress so slowly she thought she would explode, and bit her lip as he pushed the fabric off of her shoulders. She started to step out of the heels and he seemingly read her thoughts.

"Leave them on."

She turned to face him and gasped as he pulled her roughly to him. Before she could articulate a single thought, his tongue was inside her mouth and his hands were on her breasts. He nipped at her lower lip before finally pulling back. He picked up where she had stopped him earlier in the evening, and slowly slid one strap down her shoulder.

**End Part Six**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes:**

**Part Seven**

"How do you feel since making your relationship public?" Brenda Daniels had realized after a few of these sessions that it was best to dive right in, since Sarah MacKenzie could be hard to get going. If she waited for her to start, they would likely go the whole hour without speaking. She initially tried to warm her up with small talk, but had learned quickly that she was the queen of monosyllabic answers.

Mac uncrossed and crossed her legs. "I feel good, actually." She took a sip of coffee and smiled. Most of my coworkers haven't even mentioned it since the Christmas party. Only one wants to talk about Harm's sexual prowess every time I see her." Brenda chuckled and Mac grinned. "He's an incredibly good-looking man, so I can't say that I blame her. And I'm not a prude with a problem discussing sex. I just don't want to talk about it with her, and definitely not at work."

Brenda cocked her head to the side and leaned forward. "You put a great deal of importance on what your coworkers think of you, don't you?"

Mac shrugged. "I want to be seen as a capable, professional woman. Is that a bad thing?"

"Absolutely not." Brenda's eyes darted to the wall of framed degrees and then back at her patient. "I think most women in male dominated fields like ours want that. But in your case, it seems like it's more than just coming across as confident."

Mac shrugged again. "After having my dirty laundry aired in public for everyone to see, can you blame me for wanting to come across a certain way?"

"Let's talk about your past. What do your coworkers know that you feel the need to compensate for?"

"Well, I came to JAG Headquarters because my uncle stole the Declaration of Independence." She smirked as Brenda's eyes widened. "Yes, I'm serious. I wasn't brought here because I'm a good lawyer, or because anyone wanted me here. I was brought here to help find my uncle."

"I chaperoned my daughter's field trip to the National Archives last week, so I assume you were able to find him and bring it back."

"Yes."

Brenda nodded and smiled softly. "What else do they know?"

"I married a loser when I was a teenager. I was arrested and tried for his murder last year. During the trial, my affair with a previous commanding officer was made public knowledge."

"Colonel- "

"And while I don't think most of my coworkers know this," Mac continued, "I am an alcoholic, I was raised with by an abusive father, and my mother left on my 15th birthday."

"Colonel- "

Mac stood and walked over the window. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to unload all of that on you."

Brenda shook her head. "Unloading on a therapist can be really healthy." She smiled and gestured at the chair. "Sit, please." She waited for Mac to sit and then glanced at the file in her lap. "Are you a good lawyer?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Sometimes it's a lot easier to focus on what we see as our shortcomings, and ignore the things we should be proud of." She extended the file to Mac. "Take a look at what I see. There is a lot in that file to be proud of." Mac tentatively took it, and read over her awards and commendations. "The only negative thing I see in that file is that you went to Duke for law school." She laughed as Mac's head jerked up. "I went to Carolina. Duke is a dirty word in my household."

Mac smiled and handed the file back to her. "I know I have a lot to be proud of. It just doesn't seem like any of it is ever enough. I feel like I'm never going to be enough. Sometimes I close my eyes and I'm the scared child again, cowering in the corner while her father hits her mother. Sometimes I smell peanut butter and I think of the hundreds of peanut butter sandwiches I ate growing up, because there were times that's all we could afford."

"Have you ever talked about this to Harm? Or any of your other friends?"

She shook her head. "It's hard. They wouldn't understand. I have two close girlfriends – Harriet & Maddie. Harriet grew up in a tight-knit, wealthy family. Her mother is a little overbearing, but they love each other. And Maddie was comfortably middle class. They weren't wealthy, but her parents are wonderful. Harm's father went MIA in Vietnam when he was young, so he's got plenty of his own sad stories. But he also had a mother and grandmother who adored him, and eventually a wealthy stepfather who thinks of him as his own son. Harm knows I had a rough childhood, but it's hard to talk about exactly how rough to someone who has a large trust fund and has never known what it's like to go to bed hungry."

Brenda leaned closer and placed her hands on top of Mac's. "I'm going to stop being your therapist for a minute and speak as another woman. Okay?" Mac nodded, and Brenda squeezed her hands before letting go. "You had a terrible childhood. No one can ever argue that. But you've built a wonderful life for yourself. And that's something that could be inspirational to a lot of people. It's easy to be successful when you come from a loving home, have supportive parents, go to the best schools… It's harder when you come from nothing. I know you mentioned a young girl named Chloe and a big sister program. Maybe it's time for you to get involved in something like that again."

* * *

Mac raised her eyebrows as she unlocked her apartment door. Laughter and voices were coming from inside, and she peeked around the door before pushing it all the way open. Maddie spotted her instantly and rushed to her, throwing her arms around her before the keys were out of the door. Mac glanced at Ben and Harm over Maddie's shoulder. "Hi… It's good to see you too." Maddie stepped back and allowed Mac inside. "What's going on?" Harm shrugged, but grinned.

Maddie looked at Ben, and he nodded. "We're getting married!"

Mac's eyes widened, and she grabbed her friend's left hand, and then pulled her close for another hug. "I am so, so happy for you."

Maddie smiled brightly, and accepted a hug from Harm before turning back to Mac. "Other than our parents, I wanted you to be the first to know. Will you be my maid of honor?"

"Oh my god, yes! Of course!" She reached for Maddie's hand. "Let me see the ring again! Oh, it's beautiful."

"Thank you." Maddie watched as Mac gave Ben a hug, and kissed his cheek. "We're heading out tomorrow to see my family for Christmas and then we'll be with Ben's for New Years, so I was really hoping you two would come celebrate with us tonight."

"Absolutely," Harm and Mac said in unison, and then grinned at each other.

"I'll go change out of this uniform," she said, gesturing to herself. "Where are we going?"

Maddie looked at Ben and smiled. "I made a reservation at the Mediterranean place where this all started."

Mac smiled at the memory of the night. "Sounds good. I'll just be a minute." She hurried to the bedroom and had taken off her top when there was a knock on the door, and then it opened. It was Harm, and when he noticed her state of undress, he quickly came into the room and shut the door behind him. She raised an eyebrow and unzipped her skirt. "May I help you?"

He grinned and moved closer to her. He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her to him for a kiss. "Are you okay to go out? I know you sometimes feel a little emotionally drained after a therapy session."

She nodded. "I'm tired, but I feel good. I feel lighter. It was a good session."

"Maybe you'll tell me about it someday?"

She bit her lip and then slowly nodded. "I will. I promise."

He beamed and kissed her again. "Thank you. I guess I'll let you get dressed." She tossed her skirt at him, and he laughed as he left the room.

She shimmied into a pair of dark jeans, and pulled on a red silk blouse and a black blazer. She sat down on Harm's side of the bed to put on her gray suede booties and her eyes fell on the nightstand. She glanced at the door, and then scooted to the head of the bed and tentatively pulled open the drawer. The faded green velvet ring box sat in the corner of the drawer, and her fingers itched to open it and see the ring again. She took a deep breath and then clenched her hands into fists until the urge passed, and then pushed the drawer shut.

* * *

"I have never seen anyone ask for a phone number as confidently as she asked for his." Mac grinned at them, as they took turns telling Harm about the evening Maddie and Ben met.

Mattie placed her hand on top of Ben's and smiled. "I knew what I wanted, and I went after it."

Ben glanced at Harm. "I'd just like to file an official complaint that Harm didn't introduce us earlier."

Harm rolled his eyes, and then grinned. "I actually planned on it, I was just waiting until you were finished working your way through the female population at Georgetown." Ben blushed, and Maddie smirked. "Besides, right before I left Maddie was pretty uncomfortable around me. I wasn't sure if she'd want to go with a friend of mine."

"I probably wouldn't have." It was Maddie's turn to blush. "I am sorry for being so rude to you when you and Mac first got together."

He waved her off. "Don't worry about it for a second. You love Mac, and were protecting her."

Ben looked between the three of them and frowned. "Do I want to know what you guys are talking about?"

"No." Harm, Mac, and Maddie said the single word in unison, and then shared a smile.

Mac took a bite of the scallop on her place and then glanced up at Maddie. "So, have you given any thought to the wedding yet?"

Maddie nodded. "I have. Personally, I want to elope. I'm not the big wedding type. But both of our mothers are insisting, and I can already tell it's going to be a nightmare." She took a sip of her champagne and then reached for her purse. She rifled around for a minute and pulled out a folded sheet of copy paper and handed it to Mac. "This is the dress she thinks would suit me."

Mac tried to keep a straight face as she studied it. "Well that's something…"

"It's something horrible." Maddie took the paper back, before Harm could peer over her shoulder and see it.

Mac shrugged and ate the rest of the scallop. "Ignore her. It's your wedding. If you're giving them that, you should at least have control over the aesthetic of the whole thing."

"I know, I know." Maddie speared a piece of asparagus and toyed with it. "She just keeps reminding me that I'm her only daughter and she's dreamed of this day for a very long time." She sat her fork down and sighed. "I know she means well, but you know how mothers can be."

"I don't know, actually."

Harm put his hand on her knee, and gave it a gentle squeeze, while the color drained from Maddie's face.

"Mac, I'm so sor-"

Mac waved her off. "Don't worry about it. I didn't mean to say that, it just slipped out." She blushed and placed her hand on Harm's. "I've been seeing a therapist to work through a few things. We discussed my family today, and I guess it's still on my mind." She placed her other hand on Maddie's forearm and smiled. "Listen. It's your day. Listen to her input, but ultimately you need to do what you want."

"I know. Maybe when we're back from all of the holiday traveling we could go look at dresses and see what kind of look I want. Because I have no idea."

"Absolutely." Mac cocked her head to the side and smiled. "Personally, I see you in something form fitting, but covered in lace. Strapless, or at least sleeveless, to show off your arms. And a flower in your hair, instead of a veil." The other three looked at her curiously, and she shrugged. "What? I love weddings."

Maddie's eyes went to Mac's left hand and then back to her face. "So, when are the two of you going to take the next step?"

Mac looked at him and smiled. He draped his arm over her shoulders, and leaned closer to kiss her temple. "We're working on it," she said.

* * *

**Christmas Eve**

Harm unlocked the door and walked into Mac's apartment in a daze. He was wishing more than he had ever wished for anything that they would have left for their trip this morning like they had originally talked about. But the only flight they could get to Bora Bora had been the morning of the 25th, so he went to the Wall at his normal time. He was also wishing he had accepted Mac's offer to come with him. She had offered to go to the Wall with him, but hadn't been offended when he told her he wanted to talk to his dad alone.

He dropped his keys on the table and stood unmoving. Mac poked her head out from the bedroom and smiled. "Hey handsome." She emerged from the bedroom and walked to him. "You may not believe this, but I am almost done packing." She reached him, and placed her hands on his chest, and her smile faded. "Harm? What's wrong?"

He shook his head and walked away from her. He stepped into the kitchen and frowned. He shouldn't have come here. He should have gone to his own apartment, where a bottle of bourbon was collecting dust, and there were cold beers in the fridge.

She followed him and placed her hand on his back. "Sweetheart, what's the matter?" He didn't turn around, so she moved to face him. She tilted his face up and brushed her fingers over his cheek. The simple gesture was his undoing, and he buried his face in his hands and began to cry. She bit her lip, fighting back her own tears, and was transported to a night in Russia over a year and a half earlier. "Hey." Her voice was a whisper and she gently lifted his face. He let his hands fall to his side, and she moved closer and wrapped her arms around him. He buried his face in her neck, and continued to cry. She ran her fingers over his back, making an effort to soothe him.

After a minute he pulled back, and used the heel of a hand to wipe his face. "I'm sorry about that."

Mac shook her head. "Don't ever apologize for that. Come here." She took his hand and lead him to the sofa. "Harm, what happened?"

"Do you know who Jenny Lake is?"

For the next twenty minutes she sat next to him, and listened to his story. "I just can't believe it, Mac. I can't believe it. I spent so many years angry at my mom for having the audacity to move on. And now I learn my dad was kissing another woman. A woman who was emotionally distraught. God, do you think he took advantage of her?"

She bit her lip, and shook her head. "No, I don't."

He glanced at her and frowned. "What?"

"What?"

"You want to say something. I can see it all over your face."

She took a deep breath. "Harm, we both know from personal experience that sometimes making a physical connection with another person helps with being emotionally distraught."

He shot up and stared at her, his mouth open in shock. "Are you kidding me? You're comparing what happened with us in Russia to a married man kissing a fragile woman?"

"No, of course not." She jumped up and wrapped her hands around his wrists. "No. I'm telling you that I don't think he took advantage of her. Maybe he kissed her to show her that she was still alive. Maybe he was missing his wife and child, and didn't know if he'd ever see them again. Maybe he got caught up in the fact that even if he was in the middle of a war, it was still Christmas." She felt him relax and let go of his wrists. "It was a different era, Harm. You can't let one moment of his life erase everything good about him. He loved you and your mother Harm. This doesn't change that, or change who he is to you."

"I would never do that to you." His voice came out as a hoarse whisper, and she cocked her head to the side. He saw the question in her eyes and cleared his throat. "I know it's a moot point, since I won't deploy ever again, but I would never do that to you."

"I know that." Her voice was gentle, and she placed a hand on his chest. "Is this about what happened with us when you were with Jordan?"

He shrugged. "Maybe a little. I was willing to do a lot more than kiss you while my girlfriend was one room away." Mac blushed and he looked away. "I'm sorry to have put you in that position, but I need you to know that I would never do that to you."

"Sweetheart, I was a very willing participant that night." She wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his chest. "But I do know. Forgive your dad, Harm. And forgive yourself."

Harm kissed the top of her head, and tightened his arms around her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

**End Part 7**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes:** Sorry this part is short. This was just the best place to cut the story without it being insanely long.

**Part Eight**

Mac rolled over in bed and reached for Harm, but instead of his chest her hand found nothing but cool sheets. She sat up and scanned the room, clutching the duvet to her. The room was dark and empty. "Harm?" No answer. She climbed out of the bed, and winced as her feel hit the cold floor. She pulled on panties and the sweatshirt she had been wearing before bed. She was quiet as she peeked in the bathroom, and then headed into the living room. Harm stood in the dark, staring out the window. She approached him, and tentatively wrapped her arms around his waist, and rested her head against the smooth plane of his back. "Are you okay?"

Harm placed his hands over hers. "I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep."

Mac kissed his shoulder and then brought her hands to his arms and rubbed vigorously. "You're freezing." She reached for the blanket draped over the back of the couch, and wrapped it around him.

He turned to face her and smiled softly. He grabbed the ends of the blanket and wrapped his arms around her, enveloping both of them. "You're really good to me."

She placed her hands on his hips and stretched to kiss him. "I love you," she said simply. "Want to come back to bed?"

He shook his head slowly. "No. I felt like I was losing my mind laying there and not being able to sleep."

She pulled away from him, grabbed his hand and led him to the couch. She tugged him down and curled into his side. "I guess you're still thinking about your dad?"

"Yeah." He covered them both with the blanket and stared at the embroidery. He traced one of the blue lines on the gray fabric and sighed. "You know, this was the first time in thirty years I was excited about Christmas." He dropped a kiss on her head, and smiled as she wrapped her fingers around his. "It's our first Christmas together, and once again I'm obsessing over my dad."

"You could choose not to."

Her voice was soft, but he felt as if she had screamed the words in his ear. He pulled away from her and frowned. "He's my dad, Mac. And this changes everything. I don't know how to feel. I don't know how I'm going to tell my mom. I don't- "

"You are not telling your mom." She let go of his hand and put her hands on his face, forcing him to look at her. "Trish does not need to know this. First of all, it happened thirty years ago. Second, the emotions must have been running so high then, for both of them. Third, well... Harm, he's gone and she's remarried. Telling her about this would bring up the worst period of her life, and for what? What purpose would it serve?"

"I feel like I'm being dishonest by not telling her. What if Jenny Lake wasn't the only one? What if there were others?"

She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs and shook her head. "It doesn't matter. She looks back on her time with your dad fondly. She told me once that getting his tapes soothed her soul. Don't run the risk of ruining those memories for her." He looked down at the blanket again, and she ran her hand through his hair. "Talk to me."

He pulled her close to him. "My thoughts are all over the place right now. I don't even know where to begin."

She kissed his bare chest. "Just pick one of those random thoughts and say it out loud."

"I'm scared there could be others. Other Jenny Lakes." He took a breath. "I'm scared I'm going to go to the wall at some random point and find a memento with his name on it from another random woman."

"What else?" Her voice was soft and encouraging. And he understood what his mother had meant when she said his father's tapes soothed her soul. Mac's voice and her presence did that for him.

"Everything I've done throughout my whole life has been because of him, and I don't really know him." He twisted the Naval Academy ring he still wore around his finger. "I did this because of him. I became a pilot because of him. I treated my mom and Frank like garbage over my sense of loyalty to him. I ran away to Vietnam as a teenager because of him. And I don't even know him. All I know are stories people have told me, and facts I could get from his personnel file." He looked at her, and his heart ached at the sight of tear tracks on her cheeks.

"You know that he loved you. And he loved your mom. Harm, I've heard those tapes too. You can hear it in his voice." She kissed his chest again. "Don't let one weak moment during a difficult time take that away from you." She pulled away from him and stood, extending her hand. "Come one. We need to get some sleep."

He took her hand and looked up at her. "I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep." Her face flushed and he frowned. "What?"

"I feel like it's completely inappropriate to say this, but I know of something that helped you sleep the last time you were this upset."

His eyes widened, and he thought back to the night in Russia. She had held him while he cried, and then let him use her body to feel alive again. "Mac…" His voice was low and deep.

She pulled her hand from his and tugged off her sweatshirt, leaving herself in nothing but blue satin panties. She bit her bottom lip as he put his hands on her hips and gently tugged them down.

* * *

"We should probably go get in bed."

Harm glanced at her and couldn't help but smile. They had realized quickly that the couch was only good for one position, so he had shoved the ottoman out of the way and they had ended up on the floor. He leaned over her, and grabbed two throw pillows and the blanket from the couch. He handed her a pillow, and tried to spread the blanket over them without having to stand. "I don't think I have it in me to walk to the bedroom. That was something."

She rolled on her side to face him and smiled. "Hopefully it was enough to make you sleep for a while. Our flight leaves in six hours." His eyes looked heavy and she brushed her hand over his forehead, and into his hair. He closed his eyes, and she continued to play with his hair.

"Mac?"

His voice was sleepy, and she smiled. "Hmm?"

"I really want to ask you to marry me."

She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. "Soon, sweetheart. Soon."

* * *

This time when she opened her eyes, he was still next to her. And he was sleeping soundly. Mac managed to maneuver herself out of his hold without waking him, grabbed her shirt and panties, and headed to her bedroom. She tossed the clothes in the laundry basket, and then turned on the shower. She had showered, dressed in a comfortable pair of yoga pants and a fitted t-shirt. The plan was to dress in layers. It would be much warmer in Bora Bora than it was in DC. After blow drying her hair and putting on her makeup, she went to rouse Harm.

"Harm. Wake up." She sat next to his sleeping form and smiled. She crossed her legs, and gently shook his shoulder.

He groaned and pulled the blanket over his head. She reached for it and yanked it away. She laughed at the site of this very tall, extremely handsome man lying on her living room floor completely naked. She ran her hand over his chest. "Harm, wake up."

"No."

"We need to leave for the airport in an hour. It's 19 degrees outside. You better believe I will go on our vacation without you."

He opened one eye and squinted at her. "You would not."

"The high in Bora Bora tomorrow will be 82. So yes, I will."

He opened both eyes, and sighed. "Fine. I'm getting up." He sat up and leaned into kiss her. He stood, and then extended a hand to help her up. "I'll go shower. Can you make some of that Marine grade coffee you love so much?"

She grinned at him and headed to the kitchen. "It'll be here waiting on you."

He watched her for a second, and then headed to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He went to his nightstand and pulled the drawer open. He reached for the ring box and headed into the bathroom. He opened it and admired the sparkling ring inside. The jeweler he had taken it to had done an amazing job. The emerald cut diamond was nestled in a bezel setting, instead of more traditional prongs, and the band was hammered platinum. It was beautiful and unique - just like the woman he was going to give it to. He closed the box and tucked it into his toiletry bag, just in case eight days in paradise moved her from not yet to yes.

Harm showered quickly, towel dried his hair, and dressed in athletic pants and a t-shirt. He felt like he was wearing pajamas, but they were going to be in the air for eighteen hours, and he was determined to be as comfortable as possible. He grabbed a clean towel and dried off all of his toiletries and stored them in the bag. He went to back into the bedroom and secured it in his suitcase, and then wheeled the suitcase into the living room. Mac had coffee going, and was sitting at the table eating cereal.

He frowned at the cereal. "Mac, it's going to be a long day. Don't you think you're going to need something more substantial than Fruity Pebbles?"

She rolled her eyes and ate another bite of cereal. "I didn't want a sink full of dirty dishes that need to be washed before we leave. I'll grab a doughnut at the airport for extra sustenance." She grinned at him and continued to eat.

It was his turn to roll his eyes. Her diet was appalling. He prepared a slightly healthier breakfast of oatmeal and the last banana for himself and sat next to her. They were quiet while they ate, and he looked up from the bowl when she scooted her chair back. She picked up his banana peel and headed to the trash can. "I'm going to take the trash to the chute.

Mac came back into the apartment a few minutes later and smiled. Harm had washed the dishes and was wiping down the counters. She walked up to him and placed her hand on his back. "Thank you."

Harm turned to face her and wiped his hands on a towel. He put his hands on her shoulders and studied her. "Please stop thanking me for doing simple things for you. I make dinner and I wash dishes. You never need to thank me for doing my part around the house." She stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He dropped his arms from her shoulders and wrapped them around her. He bent his head to her ear. "You give me so much," he whispered. The vulnerability in his voice made her pull back. "You give me so much. You sooth my soul." He saw her eyes moisten, and she licked her lips. "Every bit of you soothes my soul. The sound of your voice. The way you run your fingers through my hair. Just your presence."

"Harm."

Her voice was soft, and he placed a hand on her cheek. "Last night when you told me what my mom said about my dad's tapes, I understood instantly. I've felt that for a long time." He smiled sheepishly and leaned in to kiss her. "You're welcome for the dishes. Thank you for being there last night. And in Russia. And every time in between."

"You don't have to thank me for that. I'll always be here, Harm. Always."

He brushed a tear from her cheek and kissed her again. "Come on," he said, "Bora Bora is just a short eighteen-hour flight away."

**End Part 8**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Part Nine**

"Excuse me, sir. I think you dropped this."

Harm let go of Mac's hand and turned around. One of the staff members at the hotel smiled broadly and handed him a small green velvet box. Harm felt Mac stiffen next to him, and did his best to avoid glancing at her. He patted his shorts pocket and found it empty, and reached to take the box from the young man. "Thank you very much." He nodded and walked away. Harm put his hand in the pocket the box had been around in, and winced when he felt a hole. He checked the other pocket and slid the box in when he felt the seam intact. He turned to face her and smiled. "Shall we?" Her eyes were wide and she stared at him, unblinking. "What?"

She gestured to his pocket. "Please tell me you haven't been carrying around an heirloom engagement ring the whole time we've been here."

He shrugged. "Not the whole time." He flashed her his most breathtaking smile, and reached for her hand. "Come on. We have a dinner reservation to keep."

She stood her ground as he started to walk. He reluctantly dropped her hand and turned to face her. He felt the annoyance creeping in and struggled to keep it from his tone. "Relax. I wasn't going to ask unless you told me you were ready. But we've been here for three days, and we've had an absolutely incredible time, and I was hoping that you might be getting closer to being ready. I wanted to be prepared if that moment came."

"That's the thing I don't understand, Harm. We have had an amazing time. Why isn't that enough for you? Why do you need more?"

He frowned and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Are you serious? Why do I need more? Why do I want to marry the woman I love?" He walked a few feet, willing himself to calm down, and then turned and walked back. "I want to make a commitment to you. I know we don't need a ring or a piece of paper, but I want both of those things. I want children. I want a house. I want joint bank accounts. I want to be the first person the military notifies if something happens to you. I want to share your life."

She took a deep breath, and wrapped her arms around her waist. "And I need time before we take that next step. I'm nowhere close to being ready, and I don't know why you feel the need to push me."

"I don't believe that." She opened her mouth, and he continued quickly. "You are ready. Mac, I can feel it. If I hadn't resigned my commission and sparked this insane level of insecurity, I feel like we would already be engaged." He stepped closer to her, and placed his hand on her waist. "Mac, do you realize that other than the deployment we have spent every single night together since you agreed to give us a shot?" She bit her lip, and he continued. "Every single night. The only things still left at my apartment are things I never use and maybe one pair of jeans. Nearly every night I make dinner, and then you do the dishes. Your pantry is now full of oatmeal and couscous and soba noodles." He placed his other hand on her waist. "I've bought tampons, something I've never done for any other woman, and I saw a therapist because you asked me to."

She swallowed and forced herself to look away. "I know all of this." She raised her eyes to his. "But all of those things don't change the fact that I'm not ready and I need more time."

He shook his head and dropped his hands from her waist. "You don't need time." His voice was quiet, and she could hear the pain. "I am so sure about us. So ready. I have been since the very beginning. You need something that I can't give you." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "You need to have faith in us. In me. And you don't have that. A few days ago, I told you I really wanted to ask you to marry me, and you said soon. Now you're back to saying you're nowhere close to being ready. So, which is it?" She said nothing and he looked down the quiet hallway. "I need to get some air. I'll see you back in the room in a little while."

Mac placed her hand on his arm. "Let's just forget about all of this. Let's go have dinner and enjoy the evening."

Harm shook his head. "I need to be alone."

* * *

Mac forced back her tears as she watched him walk away. She took a deep breath and headed to the dining room. She told the maître d she'd be dining alone, and was shown to their regular table by the window. She forced a smile when Damien, their waiter approached, and swallowed back her tears when he asked where Harm was. She ordered the Australian lamb for dinner and forced herself not to cry as she sat there alone. What the hell had just happened? He had told her he would wait. He had told her that he would take whatever she could offer him. What had changed?

"Sarah?" She glanced up and forced another smile. Charlie, one of the other hotel guests who had done a hike with them the previous day, had a concerned look on his handsome face. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded. "Of course. Just starving. And the lamb is taking forever. Where's David?"

"He got one hell of a sunburn today, so he's in our room. He's whiny when he doesn't feel good, so I escaped for dinner." Charlie pulled out the table's other chair and had a seat. "Where's Harm?"

She bit her lower lip, but that time it didn't work and the tears started to fall. "We had an argument. He needed some air." She furiously swiped at her cheeks and took a sip of her water.

He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." He didn't say anything, and she sighed. "The gist of it is that he wants to get married, and I'm not ready."

"Why aren't you ready?" He listened patiently as she told him their story. When she was finished, he frowned and leaned in. "Is he right? Would you be ready if he hadn't left the Navy?"

She shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Our relationship would be different if he had gotten out. Marriage would mean we wouldn't be able to work together, so I don't know how eager he'd be."

"Is your fear that he'll eventually resent you the only reason you're not ready?"

She shrugged again. "I don't know." She paused. "I don't think so. I told him before he got back from his deployment that I wanted him to wait six months to ask."

"So, when do you think you will be ready?" They looked up as Damien approached, and Charlie greeted him with a smile. Once he had left them with Mac's dinner, Charlie looked at her again. "Think about it, Mac. What is keeping you from saying yes?"

She looked at the plate of food for a moment and tried to gather her thoughts. "I've been…" She looked up at him, her eyes wide as she realized something. "Oh, God, I've got to go." She stood and grabbed her purse. "Thanks, Charlie. Have my dinner, if you'd like." She made her way to the maître d and spoke for a moment and signed the slip that billed her dinner to their room, and then hurried out of the restaurant.

* * *

Mac made her way back to their bungalow and opened the door, calling Harm's name. She went through the bungalow to the terrace, and finally saw him. She made her way to the lower terrace and exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. His shoes were on the deck, and his legs dangled over the edge, skimming the water. Her heart ached when she noticed the green box sitting next to his shoes. She slipped off her sandals and sat next to him.

He didn't look at her, and took a sip of his drink. She wrinkled her nose at the scent of the bourbon. She looked around the property and took in the beauty for the thousandth time. The only lights came from a few of the other bungalows and she didn't think she had ever been any place as magical as this. She took a deep breath and looked at him. "Chris and I hadn't known each other long when we got married." Her ex-husband's name piqued his curiosity, and he glanced at her. "My mother was a bartender who married my father less than a month after meeting him." She placed her hands in her lap and studied them. "That's the experience I have with marriage. Both times it happened way too fast. And both had devastating consequences."

"Mac-"

"Please let me try to get this out." She glanced at him, and he nodded. "What we have is so good. It's better than anything I ever imagined. I'm scared to alter it, or put a label on it. We love each other, and that's good enough for me. I'm afraid of marriage, and I'm afraid you'll wake up one morning and realize that the ring on your finger was a crappy trade for your Navy career."

"I didn't give up the Navy to marry you. My choice to give up the Navy had nothing to do with you."

She shook her head. "The whole time you were deployed I was anxious because I didn't know how our relationship would work. Ideally, you'd come back to JAG. Marriage would have meant reassignment for at least one of us. You staying on a carrier would have meant long periods of separation. I spent four months trying to figure out how things would be when you got home." She took a deep breath. "I point blank told you that I wasn't going to put in for a transfer to Pensacola. I keep thinking that saying that made you think that you had to make a sacrifice for us to be together."

He smiled and shook his head. "That thought never entered my head." He leaned back on his hands and looked at the sky. "I missed you every single moment I was away. Before I left, I constantly wondered if I was making the biggest mistake of my life by leaving." He looked at her again, and their eyes locked. "Do you really think our marriage would end up like your first one?" She shook her head slowly. "It's not going to be perfect, Mac. I know I'm idealistic and I can come off as naïve at times, but I know it's not always going to be perfect or easy. I know there will be nights where one of us will sleep on the couch, and we'll say words we don't mean. I know this. But I still want it." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for getting frustrated tonight. I will wait. I'll wait as long as you need, and you know that. I don't know what came over me."

"I ran into Charlie when I was in the dining room. I gave him the Reader's Digest version of what was going on. He asked me when I thought I would be ready, and I couldn't tell him. Harm, I'm so scared of marriage and of failing, and of being another divorce statistic, and of being hurt, and of hurting you." She looked at the ring box and swallowed.

He followed her gaze and he picked up the ring box. "It's just a ring, Mac. You're not going to have to trek to Mordor and throw it in fire." She smiled, and he opened the box and carefully pulled it from the cushion. "You have someone who will always love you, and this is just a symbol of that." He met her eyes and moistened his lips. "I'll never ask you to change. I don't want you to give up anything that matters to you. I'll follow you wherever the Marine Corps takes you. I don't even care if you take my name. I just want us for the rest of our lives. And this is just a symbol of that." He watched a tear make its way down her cheek and he swallowed. "Marriage doesn't have to be scary. Not if the two people are right for one another."

She brushed the tear away and the few that followed it. She avoided looking at the ring and looked up at the sky. Her mind was flooded with memories of him, and of his devotion. His commitment to finding out what happened to his father and to Diane. The way he cared for her in the mountains, and how he had come after her when Coster was stalking her, and how he had forgiven her when she had gotten drunk and verbally assaulted him. He had stood by her side when she had been charged with murder. He had done what he could for her uncle, when he had only known her for days. He had shown her over and over that he would be there for her no matter what. She looked at him and was floored by the love in his eyes. This was a man who didn't make promises he couldn't keep, and she knew he would die before he broke a promise as serious as the one he wanted to make to her. She thought about those memories again, and swallowed. This wasn't eight months in the making. This was nearly four years in the making. "Harm." Her voice trembled and she swallowed again.

"Yeah." His voice was soft and weary. She could tell he was wondering if he wanted to hear what she had to say.

"Ask me." His eyes widened and she couldn't help but smile.

He swallowed this time, and he turned to her. "Are you sure? You want me to ask tonight? After we've been arguing?"

Mac bit her lower lip and nodded. "I want you to ask on the night that everything you've been telling me for months has finally sunk in."

Harm stood quickly, and pulled her up. Once she was standing, he immediately dropped to one knee, and smiled shyly. "I know this is old fashioned, but whenever I thought about how I'd ask, I always saw myself on one knee." She smiled and he took her hand. "I love you, and it will be the greatest honor of my life if you'll finally agree to marry me."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes."

**End Part 9**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Part Ten**

Mac opened her eyes and smiled. Harm's arm was draped over her stomach, and he was placing soft kisses on her shoulder. She nestled closer to him, and his arm tightened around her.

"Good morning." His voice was low and husky, and it flooded her with warmth. She placed her hand over his, and the ring on her finger flashed in the morning light. She nestled closer to him, and lifted her hand to examine the ring. He placed another kiss on her shoulder. "Penny for your thoughts?"

She kept her hand extended and moved it around, admiring the way it caught the light. "This ring is really beautiful."

"It looks good on you."

She moved her head to look at him and smiled. "Has your mom or grandmother seen it yet?"

"No, not yet." He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. "We should call them to give them the news." He reached for the phone on the nightstand, and she stopped him with a gentle hand on his wrist. "What?"

"Sweetheart, your parents are on a cruise ship. Calling them isn't exactly possible right now." He blushed, and set the receiver down. "And they really should be the first to know."

He nodded and settled back on the pillow. "You're right."

She frowned at the change in his voice. "What's the matter?"

He shook his head. "You do want to tell people, right? I mean, you're not having regrets, are you?"

Her heart ached, and she hated that her insecurity caused the worry she heard in his voice. She turned to face him, and placed her hand on his cheek. "No regrets. Not a single one. I'm happy. And I'm excited to tell your parents, and since I don't plan on taking this ring off, people are going to know pretty quickly." She rubbed her thumb over his stubble and smiled. He ran his hand over the curve of her hip and pulled her close. She bit back a moan as his fingers moved over her skin.

He leaned in to kiss her, and groaned as her mouth opened under his. He dipped his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss. He rolled onto his back and pulled her on top of him, never breaking the kiss. She pushed herself up and sat on his stomach. She smiled down at him and ran her hands over his chest. "Hi."

He cupped her breasts and rubbed his thumbs over her nipples. "Hey there." He moved his hands down her sides and rested them on her hips. "God, I love you."

"I love you too." She beamed, and lowered her head to kiss him. "Now just lean back and let me show you how happy I am."

* * *

"Big wedding or small wedding?"

He opened his eyes and glanced in her direction. After spending several days hiking, sailing, and snorkeling, they were spending a day in relaxing in cushioned hammocks on the beach. "I honesty haven't thought about it. I've just been focusing on getting you to say yes." Even with sunglasses on, he could tell she was rolling her eyes and he laughed. "What would you like?"

"I think I'd like a big wedding." She closed the novel she had been reading and set it beside her.

"Seriously? I figured you'd want to elope."

She pushed her sunglasses on top of her head and carefully rolled onto her side. "What makes you think that? Would you rather have something more intimate?"

He shook his head. "No, not at all. You were just so hesitant about the whole getting married thing. I figured you'd just want to go before a judge or something." He grinned and lay his head back down. "My mom will probably never speak to us again if we don't have some kind of wedding and party." She laughed and he smiled at her again.

"I went before a judge with Chris." She paused, and glanced at him. He closed his own book and placed it on his chest. He knew that talking about her past was a big deal, and he wanted to give her his undivided attention. "I didn't even wear a dress. We both went in jeans, and I wore a tank top. I initially had on a red one, but I remember he just kind of tossed a white one at me and told me to wear that instead." She took a deep breath and slowly released it. "This time it's real. And getting married is a big deal. I'd like to treat it that way this time, and celebrate with the people that matter to us."

Harm nodded and reached over to her and took her hand. "A big wedding sounds perfect. Are you going to ask Maddie to be your maid of honor?"

"I am. Who's going to be your best man? Keeter? Sturgis?"

"Actually, I was thinking about asking Frank." He saw her eyebrows rise and he squeezed her hand. "My whole life I had planned on finding my father alive, and I pictured him with me for all of my big life moments. I've realized over the past year that Frank has always been there for me, and has always been a father, even if I refused to accept him. I think I'd really like to have him standing next to me when I marry you."

She beamed at him, and he felt something tighten in his chest. He felt invincible when she smiled at hm like that. "I think that's a really wonderful thought. I can't wait to tell them." She watched as his head cocked to the side and he dropped her hand. "What?"

"I have a great idea." He carefully maneuvered himself so he was sitting up. He had already flipped himself in the hammock once, and he wasn't about to do that again. "Our flight has a layover in LA, and they'll be back in town when we fly in. What if we push the DC leg of our flight back one day and surprise them?"

* * *

They arrived at LAX and Mac went to rent a car, while Harm went to the ticket counter to change their return flight. He met her when he was finished, and they headed to the car she rented. He raised his eyebrows at the shiny Jeep Wrangler. She grinned and started taking the soft top off. He rolled his eyes and helped her, and then stowed it in the back with their luggage. He started to walk around to the driver's side, and she shook her head.

"No way. I'm driving."

He rolled his eyes and opened the door for her, and then walked around to the passenger side. It was a beautiful day, traffic was fairly light, and the two-hour drive to La Jolla was pleasant. Harm was pleased to see both of their cars in the circular driveway when they pulled up, and reached over to squeeze Mac's knee. "Ready?"

She took a deep breath, and nodded. "I am."

They both got out of the Jeep and headed up the path. Harm reached out and rang the doorbell, and grinned broadly when his mother opened the door. Her eyes widened as she took them in, and yelled for Frank before throwing herself into her son's arms. She pulled back after a long moment, and turned to Mac and gave her an equally intense hug. She pulled back when Frank approached, and stepped aside so he could greet them as well.

Trish continued to stare with wide eyes. Finally, she shook her head, seemingly clearing the daze she was in and smiled. "What on earth are the two of you doing here?"

Harm grinned and reached for Mac's hand. "We followed your example and went somewhere exotic for Christmas. Our flight home had a layover in Los Angeles, so we decided to push the last leg of our trip back and come surprise you."

She leaned into Frank and beamed. "Well this is just the most wonderful surprise. Come in!" She backed into the house, not taking her eyes off of her son. He had never, ever stopped by for a visit like this. He had often stopped by if he was in San Diego for work, but she couldn't ever remember a surprise visit like this. Her eyes moved from him to Mac, and she was filled with so much love for her. She was so good for her son. "How long can you stay?"

"Today and tomorrow. We have an early flight on Sunday morning, since Mac has to be back at work Monday."

Trish nodded and lead them from the foyer to the living room. "Where did you go on your trip?" She and Frank settled on one of the sofas, and she cocked her head to the side as they stood awkwardly by the other. "Okay, what's going on?"

Mac and Harm glanced at each other and smiled. They looked back to his parents, and Mac shyly held out her left hand. Harm smiled as his mother's eyes widened again, and his arm reached out to circle Mac's waist. "I asked, and this time she finally said yes."

Trish bolted off of the couch and grabbed her hand. Frank shook Harm's hand and congratulated him, and then turned his attention to Trish and Mac.

"Oh, my goodness, it's absolutely stunning." Trish tore her eyes away from the ring, and placed her hand on Mac's cheek. "Sweetheart, I am so thrilled. You are everything I ever wanted for him." She gave her another hug, and then stepped back and smiled as Frank took Mac's hand and admired the ring. Trish turned her attention back to her son, and studied him. He was happier than she had ever seen him. "Have you called your grandmother yet?"

Harm tore his eyes from his fiancée, and shook his head. "No, not yet. We wanted to tell the two of you first." He smiled as Mac leaned into him, and he dropped a kiss on her forehead.

* * *

Mac kissed Harm's cheek, and excused herself so he could have a longer conversation with his grandmother. She made her way to the deck, and collapsed onto a padded chaise. It had been a long day. The flight had been long and had departed much too early, she was uncomfortably full from the celebratory dinner Frank had treated them to, and her face hurt from smiling. She was still apprehensive about getting married, and wouldn't pretend otherwise. But God, she was happy. She held out her hand and fingered the ring, and smiled. It really was beautiful. The hammered band was unlike anything she had ever seen, and was absolutely perfect. Harm had told her that he had seen one like it in a magazine, and it had made him think of her. How she had been through so much, and hadn't had an easy life, but everything she had been through had made her into the woman she was."

"May I join you?"

Mac looked up and smiled at Trish. "Of course. Harm's on the phone with Sarah. We told her the news together, but I figured he'd like to talk more in private."

Trish smiled and took the chaise next to her. "I've actually always been a little envious of the bond between them. I know he loves me, even when things were difficult between us. But the two of them… I swear. She came for a visit right after he was born, and it was unlike anything I'd ever seen. I thought I was going to have to just let her take him back to the farm."

Mac smiled and leaned back. "When I found out his plane was named Sarah, I asked if he still loved her. He told me that he was wild about her, and that she was his grandmother. We were just friends at the time. We barely knew one another, so there was no reason to be jealous. But I was so relieved. And then completely charmed.

Trish laughed and studied the water. "She has that effect on people." She glanced at Mac and saw her fidgeting with the ring. "Harm told us about your family when we were together for Thanksgiving." Mac stopped, and turned to face her. "My mother died when I was around your age, and Sarah Rabb helped fill that void for me. She was there whenever I needed a mom to talk to, or needed advice." She reached over and placed her hand on Mac's. "I know I'm not your mother, but I would love to fill that void for you, if you'll let me. I am so proud to have you for a daughter-in-law. You make my son so happy, and I'll always be thankful to you for that. But more than that, you're a beautiful, accomplished, wonderful person, and I am as proud of you as any mother could ever be."

Mac bit her lip to force back the tears she felt coming. "Thank you." She placed her hand on top of Trish's, and squeezed. She swallowed twice and took a breath. "I haven't had a mother in a long time, so it may take a while for me to get used to having one again. But having you in that position sounds really wonderful."

Both women smiled, and then turned their attention back to the ocean. Trish leaned back and sighed. "This day certainly helped with those post-holiday blues we were feeling. I don't think Frank will come down off of cloud nine until after the wedding."

Mac remembered the look on Frank's face at dinner when Harm had asked him to be his best man. He had been so happy, and Trish had been so touched. And she had been so proud of him. "Now we just have to actually plan a wedding."

"Take your time. Harm told Sarah and I that he didn't think you'd be ready for a while. Don't let him rush you. If you want to have a long engagement, that's completely fine."

Mac was glad it was dark, and Trish couldn't see her blush. "You know, I wasn't ready until about thirty seconds before he asked. We had actually just had an argument over my readiness, and we were talking about it, and I was telling him how scared I was of failing. And he just started talking and told me that marriage doesn't have to be scary if two people are right for one another." She glanced at Trish, and found her paying close attention. "All of a sudden I was flooded with memories we've made over the years, and how devoted and committed he is to the people he loves. And I knew that he would die before he ever purposely hurt me. All of that hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew I was ready. I'm still nervous, but I'm ready."

* * *

"It is so good to be home." Mac abandoned her suitcase in the entry way of the apartment, and collapsed on the sofa. It could wait. Everything could wait. She watched as Harm locked the door behind him, made his way to her and grabbed her hands.

"Come on. Let's go to bed."

"I don't think I can get up."

He tugged her hand and pulled her up, and then picked her up and began walking to the bedroom. She shrieked, and then laughed as he dropped her on the bed. "How very caveman of you. But thank you."

He smiled and bent over to take off his shoes. All he wanted to do was shower and sleep for about ten days. He had felt terribly guilty that she had to go to work in the morning, but she had assured him that their time in California was worth the exhaustion. He stood up and started for the shower. "Do you want to shower first?"

She hadn't budged from where he dropped her. "If I take a shower now, I'll probably pass out, hit my head, drown, and die."

He rolled his eyes at her theatrics. "Come take a shower with me. I'll make sure you don't die."

She lifted her head and raised an eyebrow. "Just a shower? Because I really don't think-"

His snort cut her off. "Mac. I love you, and I want you all time. But I don't think I could have sex right now if the future of mankind depended on it." He worked the zippers on her boots and tugged them off. "Come on. You'll sleep so much better after a shower." He tugged her up and guided her to the bathroom with his hands on her hips.

They showered quickly, and he turned down the bed while she performed her nightly skincare routine. He turned off the overhead light, and turned on the bedside lamp and climbed into bed. He watched as she put various gels and creams on her face, and then rubbed lotion over her arms and legs. She finally came out of the bathroom and crawled into bed beside him.

Harm leaned over her and gave her a soft kiss. "Goodnight." He started to pull back and return to his side of the bed when she stopped him with a hand on his chest. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded and bit her lower lip. "Tomorrow while I'm at work you should bring the rest of your stuff over."

His eyes widened and he smiled. "You're ready to move in together?"

"Well, I did agree to marry you." She offered him a shy smile. "I guess moving in doesn't seem so scary anymore. Not to mention we haven't spent a single night apart since you've been home, and I don't ever want to."

He kissed her again, and tugged her close, wrapping his arm around her belly. "I love you so much."

She placed her hand over his and moved in even closer. "I love you too."

**End Part 10**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes**: Sorry for the delay with this one. I've been staring at my outline for this part for about 2 weeks, trying to figure out how to put it together. It was difficult for me, because I absolutely despise Boomerang (1 & 2), and the actions of every single character (except maybe for the Admiral). Like the show, this part & the next will both deal with Australia. Also. I know on the show Harm & Bud arrived in Australia in uniform. I changed that based on my own personal experience – whenever my active duty husband flies commercial, he always wears civilian clothes, and he's told me that's because you don't want any unnecessary attention. So, that's why I have Bud & Mac in civilian attire. Also, it's literally a 22-hour flight from Washington to Sydney. I can not imagine being in a uniform on an uncomfortable plane seat for that long, so I took a little creative liberty to make these fictional people more comfortable.

**Part Eleven**

_**Two Months Later**_

Mac pulled up at the airfield and grinned. It was finally starting to come together, and looked completely different than it had when he had first show it to her. She pulled in front of the once decrepit building that was now home to his office. "Harm?"

He emerged in the doorway of his office, and smiled when he spotted her. He took in the jeans and her heavy quilted jacket, looked at his watch, and frowned. "Why are you in civilian clothes in the middle of the afternoon?"

"Bud and I are heading to Australia in a couple of hours." She reached for his hand. "I went home and changed and packed, and now I'm hoping I can kidnap you and we can have lunch before I have to go."

He was still frowning. "Why are you going to Australia?"

"During the Vietnam War there was a murder in Sydney while the USS Chicago was in port. They've finally apprehended the suspect and Mic has requested our help." Mac watched as his jaw clenched and she narrowed her eyes. "Please do not tell me that you're still jealous of Mic." She waved her left hand in front of him. "In case you've forgotten, I have agreed to marry you."

"I know that, Mac. But I still don't like the guy. Or you being alone with the guy."

She rolled her eyes and leaned against the desk a receptionist would someday sit behind. "Harm, I'm not going to be alone with him. For starters, Bud will be there too." She moved closer to him, and put one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek. "You know I don't like it when you're jealous. You have no reason to be. Like I told you when we first started dating – I'm yours because I choose to be. And I will always choose to be. Okay?"

"Okay." He covered the hand on his chest with his, and leaned in for a kiss. "You're right. I'm sorry." He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Where do you want to go for lunch?"

"That pho place down the street? It's too cold for anything else."

He grinned, and kissed her hairline. "It'll be warmer in Australia. Just promise me you won't go to one of the topless beaches."

She snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. "I promise. No one sees the goods except for you. Let's go." She tossed him her keys. "Can you take me to the airport after we eat?"

"Of course. Let me go tell the contractor I'm leaving. I'll meet you at the car."

* * *

The flight to Sydney was almost unbearably long, and it was the next day before she and Bud finally landed. She spotted Mic instantly. He had told them he would meet them in baggage claim, and there he was. He was leaning against a pillar looking tanned and cheerful. He spotted them, straightened, and made his way over.

"Welcome to Oz, Colonel. Lieutenant." Mic shook Bud's hand vigorously, and then moved to Mac. His cheerful façade slipped for a moment, as he tried to sort out the best way to greet her. He finally decided she wouldn't punch him in front of Bud, and leaned in to kiss her cheek. He pulled back, and grinned. "I know it's one hell of a flight. Do you want me to take you straight to the hotel? Or would you like to get something to eat first?"

Bud opened his mouth, but Mac managed to speak first. "I think we should go meet with our client first."

Mic stared at her as if she had lost her mind. "You've been in the air for 22 hours, and instead of a shower or food, you want to go talk to your client?"

"I'm starving, Colonel."

She looked at Bud and softened. "Okay. Let's get some food, and then go to the hotel. I guess we need to change before meeting with our client." She frowned as Mic gave her the once over, and for a second wished she was still wearing the heavy coat she had left with Harm instead of the lightweight t-shirt.

They followed Mic to his vehicle, and waited as he threw their bags in the back. He opened the door for each of them, and then went around to the driver's side. "There's this great place right on Bondi Beach. It's mostly fish, but it's all local and is really good. And the view is pretty spectacular." He glanced at Mac, and she nodded. He knew she was with Rabb. At least he assumed she still was. But talk about a spectacular view - she looked better than ever. He glanced at her every so often as he drove to the beach, and kept up a steady conversation with Bud about Little AJ. He pulled into a parking spot at the busy restaurant and grinned. "Let me see if I can charm Lois into moving us up the wait list. I'll be right back."

Mac leaned over the railing and took in the view. The beach was crowded, even though it was a weekday, and she wistfully thought back to that perfect week in Bora Bora, and their secluded bungalow. A group of surfers ran into the water, and she straightened. She had always wanted to learn do that. She heard heavy footsteps behind her, and turned to see Mic.

"We have a table. Shall we?" The three of them followed the young blonde to a table on the deck. Mic pulled out her chair, and they all sat. Mac opened her menu, and her engagement ring shone brightly. His eyes widened as he noticed it, and reached for her hand. She resisted the urge to tug it back, while he whistled as he admired the ring. "It seems congratulations are in order, Colonel. John Farrow is a lucky man." He winked at her, and then laughed at Bud's look of confusion. "I'm just teasing, Mac. I know that Rabb is the secret boyfriend. Well. I guess now he's the not so secret fiancé."

She tugged her hand away and frowned. "Who told you about Harm and I?"

Mic smirked and leaned back in his seat. "He did. He told me when all of us were on the Patrick Henry." She was still frowning, and his smirk faded. "He and I were both in the gym at the same time one night, and overheard a couple of sailors saying some derogatory things about you. Rabb had words with them, and I had his back. After he was finished telling them off, I just had a feeling about the two of you. I asked, and he confirmed it."

She thawed slightly and glanced at Bud. He was watching them and she offered him a slight smile. "We continued to work together for months after that. Why didn't you say anything? Why did you keep making comments about John?"

"Rabb told me that you wanted to keep it a secret." He shrugged. "So, I kept it a secret."

She smiled at Mic for the first time since the near kiss on the fourth of July. "Thank you."

* * *

Harm felt around the dark room, and his hand finally landed on the ringing phone. "Hello?" His voice was thick and slurred, and he cleared his throat. "Hello." The word sounded a little more human the second time.

"I have a collect call for Harm Rabb from Sarah MacKenzie. Will you accept the charges?"

"Yes." He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand and sat up in bed. "Mac?"

"Hey handsome. Is everything okay? Why are you still in bed? It's almost 7:30 there."

He glanced at the clock and rubbed his eyes again. "I actually have a meeting with AJ at 10:00, so I'm not going to the airfield until after that."

"AJ? As in Chegwidden?"

He could hear the confusion in her voice and grinned. "Roberts, actually. Harriet is letting him set his own schedule these days."

She snorted. "You're such a smartass. Why are you meeting with the Admiral?"

He stretched, and pulled the covers up. "I honestly have no idea. He called me last night and asked if I could come see him today. He said he had a huge favor to ask."

She sat down on the edge of the hotel room bed and began to pull off her clothes. "This should be interesting. I wonder what it could be?"

He shrugged, and then remembered she couldn't see him. "I have no idea, but I'm not concerned. Maybe he has someone who needs some pro-bono legal assistance? Who knows? How is the land down under? Is Brumby behaving himself?"

"He's fine." She though back to lunch, and Mic's revelation that he had known about them for quite a while. She understood that Harm wouldn't have wanted to lie when asked point blank, and decided not to mention the conversation to him. She looked out the window of her hotel room and smiled. It was dark of course, but the city was lit up and it was still lovely. "Mic is fine. He sends his congratulations on our engagement. And it's beautiful here. It's warm and sunny, and all I want to do right now is learn how to surf."

He smiled at the tone of her voice, and scooted a little further up the bed. "I could teach you."

She raised an eyebrow. "You know how to surf?"

"I grew up in California, Mac. I'm not an expert by any means, but I managed not to drown." She laughed, and he felt a familiar warmth fill him. "As a matter of fact, I think my old boards are still in the pool house."

"Well, next time we go visit your parents I'm going to take you up on that."

"Please do. I have a feeling you'll look really, really good in a wet-suit." He glanced at her nightstand and grinned. "So, speaking of things that are incredibly sexy…"

Mac laughed, "Were we talking about things that are incredibly sexy?"

"We were talking about you in a skintight rubber suit. So absolutely." She laughed again, and he swallowed. "I was looking for some lip balm last night and looked in your nightstand drawer…"

She knew what he was about to say and blushed. "Oh? And what did you find?"

"It wasn't what I found as much as what was missing. Do you always take that purple satin bag with you when you go on assignment?"

She stretched the phone cord, and reached into her suitcase. She found the purple satin bag, and pulled out her vibrator. She lowered her voice and leaned back against the pillows. "I usually do."

He was instantly hard, and moved his spare hand under the blanket. "So, all of those times we were on assignment together, you were in the next room taking care of yourself?" He heard a faint buzzing sound and bit back a moan.

"Maybe not every time."

He didn't try to hold back his moan that time, and then cleared his throat. "Mac? What are you wearing?"

"Not a thing."

* * *

Walking into JAG headquarters in civilian clothes with a visitor's badge pinned to his jacket was an incredibly strange experience. He smiled at former coworkers, accepted a hug from Harriet, and made his way to Admiral Chegwidden's office. Tiner greeted him warmly and told him to go on in. Harm opened the door and stepped inside, a curious look on his handsome face. His former commanding officer was sitting behind his desk, and an attractive blonde woman sat in one of the other chairs. He leaned over to shake AJ's hand. "It's good to see you, sir." He took the other chair, and tried not to notice the woman staring at him.

AJ leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Harm, I'd like you to meet Renee Peterson." He waited while Harm shook her hand. Her eyes moved over him as if he were an extremely expensive cut of meat. "Ms. Peterson is a director, and she was hired to direct a Navy recruitment commercial. She was doing some research on high profile officers and stumbled on a few articles about you, and would like you to star in the thing."

Harm frowned, and looked back and forth between the two of them. "Sir, I'm assuming that you have told Ms. Peterson that I'm no longer in the Navy." AJ raised his eyebrows and smirked. Harm turned to Renee. "I'm flattered, but I left the Navy a few months ago."

She shrugged, and ran her eyes over him again. "Harm - may I call you Harm?" He nodded, and she continued. "You have the look we're looking for. You're tall and handsome. And I've seen video clips of you. You're very charismatic and an excellent public speaker. You would be perfect for this commercial."

"That may be true, but I am not in the Navy anymore. I'm sure there are a number of officers who have similar physical characteristics."

She shrugged again, and leaned forward. "Yes, I'm sure there are. But we want you."

He turned back to the Admiral. "Sir, I think this is incredibly inappropriate. I do not feel comfortable putting the uniform back on to participate in a commercial. It means too much to me for that."

AJ smiled softly. This was why he felt so much affection for Harm. He had never been a perfect officer, but he had always had the utmost respect for the military. He looked at Renee and shrugged. "I'm sorry, Ms. Peterson. You've heard it directly from the horses' mouth."

She frowned and stared him down. "I don't understand. Can't you make him?"

AJ snorted. "Ms. Peterson, I had a hard time making him do anything when he was in the Navy. Now that he's not, I don't think there's a chance in hell of that happening." He watched as she picked up her purse and stormed out of the office without another word, and then he turned back to Harm. "Sorry about that. The SECNAV was pretty insistent that I get you in to meet with her."

Harm winced. "Hopefully he doesn't take my refusal out on you, sir."

AJ waved him off. "It'll be fine. So, how are things?"

He smiled and relaxed in his chair. "Things are good. The airfield is coming along well. I should be ready to open within the next two months. Mac and I are starting to put together wedding plans."

"I thought you were insane when you resigned. I thought you had lost your mind, I thought Mac was going to murder you, I thought this was a colossal mistake." He studied Harm, and smiled. "But the civilian life seems to suit you."

Harm shifted in his chair and smiled. "I think it does. I'm happy. I loved being in the Navy, I really did. But I also love everything about my life right now."

**End Part 11**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes**: The Roasted Cherry & Goat Cheese ice cream is a real thing, and it is the best ice cream in the entire world. The recipe is from Jeni's, and it's in the book and I think it's available online.

**Part Twelve**

Mac sat on the bed in her hotel room and twisted the cord around her finger. She felt horrible calling Harm this early, but he had asked her to. He claimed it started his day off on a positive note, but she had a feeling he wasn't going to be pleased when she told him about her plans for the evening.

"Hey gorgeous."

His voice was thick with sleep, and she couldn't help the grin that spread over her face. "Hey handsome. You seem cheerful for 5:00am."

"I went to bed earlier so I would be more alert when you called. How was your day?" He leaned against the pillows and adjusted the bedding. Every single day he was sure it couldn't get any colder, and every single day he was proven wrong.

"Oh, it was interesting. It started with Bud commenting on topless women at a beach Mic took him too. Unfortunately, he thought he was talking to Gunny, but he was on the phone with Harriet when he made the comment." She heard Harm suck in air, and she smiled. "Yeah. Harriet isn't happy, and Bud has spent the entire day worrying about it."

"I'm sorry, hon. Sounds like dinner is going to be fun tonight."

Mac gnawed on her lower lip for a minute. "Well, I'm actually not having dinner with Bud tonight. I'm going to dinner with Mic."

Harm frowned, and bolted up. The cold air assaulted his chest, and he sat back down and pulled the covers up to his chest. "Brumby? You're going to dinner with Brumby? Are you kidding me? Mac, I'm not okay with this."

She frowned, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not asking you for permission. I'm telling you that I'm going to go have dinner with a coworker. I'm in a foreign country, and I don't want to go out alone. And since Bud is currently holed up in his hotel room hiding from all of the bare breasted women in Sydney, Mic is pretty much my only option."

He couldn't help but laugh at her bare breasted woman comment. "I'm not trying to tell you what you can or can't do. I just don't like the guy. Or trust him, and I don't really like the idea of you spending time alone with him. You do recall that he tried to kiss you on the fourth of July, don't you?"

She winced at the memory. "Do you trust me, Harm?"

"Yes! Of course, I do." And he did. He trusted her completely. "Mac, I trust you. I know that you would never do anything that would hurt me. I just… he's a big guy. He's physical. What if he tries something and is able to overpower you?"

She was silent for a long moment. "Harm, I appreciate that you're concerned for my safety. But I can take care of myself, and you know that."

"I know." His tone had softened, and it melted her a smidge. "But you're the love of my life and you're on the other side of the planet. I don't like not being able to watch your back." He realized what door he had opened and quickly continued. "And please don't remind me that I chose to leave the Navy, otherwise I might be there with you."

She laughed and threaded a pair of earrings through her lobes. "I wasn't going to say that. I think I've finally accepted your decision."

"Good. Took you long enough." He grinned. "Will you call me when you get back to your room tonight? I just need to know you made it back safely."

"I will. It might be late. We're going to some restaurant that requires a ferry ride to get there. But I'll call you and tell you goodnight when I get back." She was silent for a long moment, overwhelmed with how much she missed him. "I love you, Harm."

"I love you too."

* * *

Mac stepped off of the elevator, and offered Mic a tentative smile. He had offered to pick her up at her hotel, and drive them to the ferry.

His eyes traveled over her, taking in the green sundress that flowed around her toned, dark thighs. "You look great, Mac."

"Thank you. Shall we?" He nodded and walked beside her to the main entrance of the hotel. He opened the door for her, and then the passenger door. He was pleased that she had agreed to dinner, and he usually enjoyed her company, but being with her in a social setting, and knowing the evening wouldn't go in the direction he wanted made him melancholy. He itched to touch her skin, or even the silky looking material of her dress. The drive to the ferry was quiet. He drove the car on, and put it in park. "Want to go on the deck? The city is beautiful at night."

She agreed, and they made their way to the deck. She leaned against the railing and took in the beautiful city. Mic was talking as she took in the view, and she only caught bits and pieces of what he was saying. She was thinking about Harm, and how much she missed him not being on a work trip with her. She couldn't help but think about all of the work trips she'd go on in the future without him. He was happy with his airfield, and she really had finally accepted his decision. But she still missed working with him.

"Mac? You there?"

She glanced over her shoulder and offered him a guilty smile. "I'm sorry. My mind was elsewhere. It's beautiful here." She turned back to the view and fell quiet.

"Yeah, it is." He shook his head, and moved to stand beside her. "They wrote eternity on that bridge for the millennium." She made a noise to acknowledge him, and crossed her arms over the railing. "Mac? Can I ask you something?"

She turned to face him. "Is it appropriate?"

He shrugged. "More or less."

She rolled her eyes. "Go ahead."

He was quiet for a minute, trying to figure out how to best phrase his question. Finally, he cleared his throat. "If I had met you first, before you ever met Rabb, would you have gone out with me?" Mac sighed softly, and then shook her head. "Can I ask why? I'm a good guy, Mac. I'm smart, I'm funny. I'm excellent in bed." He grinned as she rolled her eyes again. "I'm a catch. Why wouldn't you have gone out with me?"

She turned back to the water, torn between not wanting to divulge anything personal to him, but also wanting him to understand. Hopefully if he understood, he would stop wanting something that would never happen. "I was never big on dating. I've almost always known from the moment I've met someone if there was the potential for more. Very rarely, there was a time when I wasn't completely sure. So, I'd go on a date, but I'd know by the end of the evening if there was anything there."

"And you never felt that there was the potential for more with me?" She shook her head. "Did you know before or after the dinner we had following your trial?"

She smiled softly. "Mic, I let you take me to dinner because I figured after all you put me through, you at least owed me a sixteen-ounce New York strip." He laughed and leaned his own arms on the railing. "I never felt a spark with you. I'm sorry if that's hurtful, but honesty is important."

"It's not hurtful. And I do appreciate the honesty." He glanced down at her folded arms, and watched her ring glitter in the moonlight. "He really is a lucky man, Sarah."

She flexed her hand and admired her ring. "I'm the lucky one."

* * *

After the conversation on the ferry, the night had actually been fun. He no longer watched her with so much intensity. He was still flirtatious, but no longer inappropriately so. The night had been pleasant, and she actually found that she enjoyed his company. He had asked about Harm's new business, asked about their coworkers at JAG, and finally asked if they had set a date for the wedding. After telling him no, she realized that they hadn't even discussed a date yet, and she knew that was because of her.

Mic dropped her off at her hotel at a reasonable hour, and waited until she was in the building before driving away with a little wave. She hurried to the elevator as quickly as she could in her tall wedges, and watched the number increase as the elevator climbed the floors. When she was finally in her room, she sat on the edge of the bed and removed her shoes, and then reached for the phone to call Harm. She did the math, and figured he was at the airfield, and tried that number first.

"Hammer Aviation."

"Hey there, Hammer."

He sat up straighter in his chair. "Hey. You're back earlier than I was expecting."

She rolled her eyes, and leaned back against the pillows. "Of course, I am. We just had dinner."

"How was it?"

She smiled and twisted the ring around her finger. "It was actually really nice. He asked me while we were on the ferry if I would have given him a chance if I had met him before I met you. I told him no, since I never felt that spark with him. He seemed to accept it, and understand. So, the rest of the evening was a lot more relaxed."

Harm grinned and pushed back from the desk a bit, kicking his legs up on the wood top. "How soon did you feel a spark with me?"

She blushed, thinking about that afternoon in the Rose Garden, and how hard it had been to be aloof in front of the most beautiful man she had ever seen. "Oh, about three seconds after I met you. I didn't really like you that much, but there was some serious chemistry." He laughed, and she smiled softly. "Harm, let's talk about when we're going to have the wedding."

He dropped his legs from the desk. "Seriously? Now?"

"Yeah, why not. We've talked about attendants and having a big wedding. We've argued band versus DJ many, many times. We should at least start talking about a date." He was silent on the other end, and she waited for a moment before saying his name. "Harm? Are you still there?"

"I'm here. What brought this up?"

She shrugged, before remembering he couldn't see her. "I'm not really sure. I just missed you more than usual tonight. Mic asked if we had set a date, and I realized we haven't even talked about it. And I know that's because of me." He was quiet, and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. "It is, isn't it? Because I was so hesitant about getting married?"

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "I didn't want to push you. I figured getting you to say yes was a big enough step, and we'd talk about actually getting married when you were ready."

"I think I'm ready." She took a deep breath. "Would you be okay with a fall wedding?"

He smiled broadly. "Fall sounds perfect. October would be good. The weather is nice, and if we do it outside the trees won't have lost all of their leaves yet."

"That's what I was thinking too. How about the last weekend in October?" She heard him flipping pages on what she assumed was his calendar and grinned.

"So, October 28th? It's a Saturday."

"That sounds like a perfect day for a wedding."

* * *

Mac sat cross-legged on the bed and dialed Harm's number. She listened to it ring, and eventually their voicemail picked up. She hung up, and dialed the number for the airfield and waited through a few more rings, before it went to voicemail too. She sighed, and dropped the phone back into the cradle. She was so ready to be home. She took a deep breath, and then dialed the number for Bud & Harriet's home. Finally, she got someone to answer.

"Hello?"

"Harriet? It's Mac." Harriet made a noise that was halfway between a sigh and a sob. "Harriet? Are you okay?"

"No ma'am, I'm not." She let out another sound, and this time Mac definitely recognized it as a sob. "My husband is in Australia acting like he's at a fraternity party, and I'm here in this frigid wasteland with Little AJ and the stomach virus that just won't end, and I just found out that I'm pregnant again."

"Oh, Harriet." She listened to the younger woman cry for a moment, and then heard a sniff, and the sound of her throat clearing. Mac's stomach clenched. How on earth was she going to tell her about Bud's jaw.

"I'm so sorry to unload on you, ma'am." She sniffled again, and blew her nose. "What's going on there? Is Bud afraid to call me?"

Mac winced and took a breath. "Harriet, Bud's not going to be able to call you. He's okay," she said, cutting off the rising panic she could sense, "but there was an incident today. Bud had a fall, and he broke his jaw." Harriet gasped, and Mac took another deep breath. "They had to wire his jaw shut."

"Oh my God!" Harriet's cry apparently disturbed AJ, and he began to cry as well. "How did that happen?" She rocked her child and listened quietly while Mac described the fall, and the medical procedure.

"He wanted to call home himself, but it's hard to understand him."

"How are you able to?"

Mac flinched at the memory. "My dad's jaw was once wired shut for three months. During that time, I added 'wired jaw' to the list of languages I'm fluent in. He's okay, Harriet. I just wanted to let you know what was going on so you didn't worry if you didn't hear from him. He told me to tell you that he would send you an email and give you all the gory details."

Harriet bounced AJ, trying to quiet him. "Thank you for calling. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome." Mac was about to set the phone down when something Harriet said had registered. "Harriet, wait. You're pregnant?"

There was silence, and then a deep sigh. "I am. I just found out last week. We weren't going to tell anyone till we were past the first trimester."

"My lips are sealed. Congratulations."

"Thank you so much. And thank you again for calling."

The two women hung up, and Mac tried calling Harm again. She dialed the apartment first, and this time he answered on the first ring. "I'm so glad you called back."

"Well hello to you too." She grinned and lay back against the pillows. "It's good to hear your voice."

* * *

Harriet watched Harm play airplane with her son. He was getting fussy in the airport while they waited on Mac and Bud, and Harm just lifted him from her arms, hoisted him in the air, and began moving around the baggage area. His whines had quickly turned into giggles, and Harriet felt so much gratitude for her friend. He finally came back to their row of seats, and took the one next to her. She reached for AJ, and smiled at Harm. "You and Mac should have one of these."

He grinned and leaned back in the uncomfortable chair. "We should probably get married first."

"Have you set a date yet?"

"I think so. We've talked about getting married in October, but we haven't found a place to have it at yet, so we'll see."

Harriet smiled at Harm, and stroked her son's feather-soft hair. "We're so happy for you guys." She looked up and saw a large group of people coming down the escalator, and checked her watch. "I bet this is them."

Harm glanced at the group and spotted Mac almost instantly. He stood, and watched as she scanned the baggage area before her eyes finally locked with his. She smiled, and then nudged Bud to point them out. Harm studied Bud's face and winced. It was bruised and swollen, and he imagined it hurt like hell. "There they are." He pointed them out to Harriet, and heard a small gasp when she noticed them. She hoisted AJ onto her hip, and they began making their way to them. He reached for Mac when he was close enough to touch her, and tugged her into his arms. Conscious of Bud and Harriet standing so close, he gave her a quick kiss, and pulled her carry-on off of her shoulder. "Hi."

"Hi." She beamed up at him. "It's so good to be home." She glanced at Bud and Harriet and gently touched Harriet's arm. "Are you two going to be okay?" Bud mumbled something, and she looked at Harriet. "Are you able to understand him?"

"I think so. If all else fails, I can make him write it down."

Mac smiled and squeezed her arm gently. It seemed like it took forever for their bags to come down. Bud's arrived first, and they waved goodbye to their friends. She continued to watch for hers, and tried not to moan as Harm ran his fingers over her lower back. Finally, her bag made its appearance, and he moved for it before she could take a step. He pulled her suitcase behind him with one hand, and reached for her hand with the other. They walked to the parking lot in a comfortable silence, and he jerked to a stop when they reached the sliding doors. "I forgot your jacket. It's in the car, I meant to bring it in."

She shrugged. "It'll be okay."

He handed her the carry-on and started to shrug out of his. "Here, wear mine. I at least have a sweatshirt on underneath."

She touched his arm, stilling his movements. "I promise I'll be okay. Let's go home. And then you can spend the rest of the night warming me up.

* * *

Harm lay on his back, his arms outstretched and his breathing labored. "Good Lord, Mac."

She laughed and lifted herself off of him. "I missed you. Let me know when you're ready for round two." She placed a kiss on his chest, and then sat up. She picked his sweatshirt off the floor, and pulled it on. "I'll be right back."

He grabbed for her hand, and turned his head. "Where are you going?"

"Ice cream. Want anything?" He shook his head, and she smiled. Mac kissed him again and slid off the bed. She was back a few minutes later with a pint and a spoon. She sat on the bed next to him, crossed her legs, and pulled the lid off. "Want a bite? It's the roasted cherry goat cheese stuff."

He nodded and shifted into a sitting position. He grabbed her hand and took the bite off of her spoon. "So, how was Australia?"

She took a bite of the ice cream. "It was beautiful. And warm. The food was good. At least it was at the places Mic took us to."

"Ugh. Please don't say his name in our bed."

She rolled her eyes and playfully thumped him. "How is the airfield?"

He grinned and took the spoon from her. "Really, really good. The contractor told me today that I'm in the way and need to find something else to do for a few weeks while they finish up some things. So, I think I'm going to start practicing law again."

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

He nodded and ate more ice cream. "When I was at JAG the other day, I was contemplating why Chegwidden called me. I thought maybe he had a veteran who needed some legal assistance that they couldn't give him. And I got excited about that thought, and was pretty disappointed when it was only about starring in a commercial."

"Wait, what? A commercial?"

He blushed and realized he forgot to tell her about that. "Yeah. The Navy is making a new recruitment commercial and their director wanted me. She was completely obnoxious, and actually asked Chegwidden if he could make me do it when I told her no." Mac snorted, and he grinned. "But I realized how much I miss the helping people part of law."

"The airfield, practicing law again, getting married… you're going to have a big year." She smiled and set the empty pint & spoon on the nightstand, before laying back down and curling into his side.

He kissed the top of her head and ran his fingertips over her arm. "Bring it on." He shifted, and rolled on top of her. His hands moved beneath the sweatshirt and cupped her breasts. His thumbs brushed over her nipples, and he smirked as she moaned. "Ready for round two?" He lowered his mouth to her neck and began to kiss and suck gently.

She grinned, and tilted her head back, giving him easier access to her throat. "Oh yes. My little toy in that purple satin bag has nothing on you."

**End Part 12**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes**: Sorry for the delay in getting this part up. My husband is finally home from a six-month deployment, and we took some time to travel a bit.

**Part Thirteen**

"I know, I know. I'm late." Mac blew through the apartment, dropping her briefcase on the floor, and her keys and hat on the kitchen island.

Harm stuck his head out of the bedroom and smirked. He absolutely loved it when she was late for anything. He glanced at his watch as she hurried past him. "Cutting it a little close, Colonel MacKenzie." He grinned as she glared at him and grabbed her wrist to pull her close for a kiss. "Relax. We have plenty of time."

She returned the kiss, and then pushed away. "Not too much time. The Admiral wants us to meet him before the ball. Apparently, Dr. Walden wants the chance to talk to us a little." She stepped out of her skirt and began working the buttons on her blouse. She looked up at him as she shrugged out of it and paused. He was already dressed and wearing a classic black tuxedo. She ran her hands over his chest and smiled. "This is different."

He smiled and turned around slowly so she could see it from all angles. "I can't remember the last time I wore a tux instead of a dress uniform. Prom, maybe."

"Well, it's not dress whites and gold wings, but I think you could pull off crumpled sheets of newspaper." He grinned and placed a kiss on her collar bone.

"Thank you. Go get ready." He watched her hurry into the bathroom and heard the shower turn on. He turned back to the mirror and smoothed his hands over the lapels. They were going to the Surface Warfare Ball that evening, and he couldn't deny that not being in uniform for an event like this felt incredibly odd. Instead of being recognized as a Commander in the Navy, he would simply be Mac's date. Ben had gone with him to get the tux, since he had planned on buying one for his and Maddie's upcoming wedding anyway, and he had teasingly referred to him as Mac's arm candy. He didn't mind that – she was an incredible woman, and he was proud to be with her. He sat down on the bed to put on his shoes and then went to the living room to wait for her. He sat down at the computer and was going through his email when there was a knock at the door. He opened the door and offered the visitor a polite smile. It wasn't anyone he recognized – a short, heavy set woman with mousy brown hair that fell almost to her waist. "Hello. May I help you?"

The woman tilted her head back, to fully take him in. She didn't think she had ever seen a man as handsome as this one. "I'm looking for Sarah MacKenzie."

His face softened, and his smile became more genuine when he heard the name. "I'm afraid she's not available at the moment. Can I tell her who stopped by?"

She bit her lip, and she folded her hands together. "I'm sorry." She looked him over and sighed. "I can see that you're dressed to go out. But it's really important that I see her. I'm Deanne MacKenzie. I'm her mother."

Harm's eyes widened, and he froze. He thought back to what Mac had told him after her trip to her father's deathbed the previous year. "This really isn't a good time. She's a little frazzled right now, and we have to be at an event honoring her commanding officer. I don't want her upset."

"Hey, Harm, have you seen my-" He turned from the door to look at her, and he almost completely forgot about the woman on the other side of the door. She looked breathtaking in the low cut, form-fitting red dress. "Is someone at the door?"

He took a deep breath before nodding.

Her smile was teasing, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you going to let them in?"

"Mac, it's… it's your mother." Her face lost all its color, and he stepped aside as she walked over to the door and yanked it open.

Deanne swallowed hard when they were face to face. "Sarah. You look beautiful, sweetheart."

Mac felt Harm's hand on her back, and she wanted to melt into him. "I don't know why you're here, but this really isn't a good time. We have someplace we need to be."

"I understand, but I won't take up much of your time. I only need a minute."

"I can't give you a minute right now." She walked away from them, both of their eyes following her into the kitchen, while they waited in an uncomfortable silence. She picked up a notepad and a pen, scribbled something, and then rejoined them. She tore off the sheet of paper she had written on, and extended it to her mother. "This is a coffee shop nearby. I can meet you tomorrow morning. That's the best I can do." Her mother swallowed, and then nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Will ten be alright?"

"That's fine." She shut the door and turned to Harm. This time she did melt against him.

He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head, and then lifted It from his chest. "I'm honestly not sure."

* * *

Harm unlocked the apartment door a few hours later and stood back so Mac could enter first. She looked completely spent. She had done an impressive job that evening of pretending that everything was fine, and he imagined that it had taken his toll. Once they were in the car, her shoulders had drooped, and she had closed her eyes for long enough he had thought she had fallen asleep. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, placing light kisses on her neck. "Do you want to talk?" He asked between kisses.

She moaned and leaned heavily against him. She could feel the beginning of his erection pressing into her backside, and she felt the familiar tug of desire in her belly. "Absolutely not."

He placed a kiss on her shoulder and moved his hand slowly down her arm. "Want me to draw you a bath? One of those fancy ones you like with green water?"

She reached behind her and ran her hand over his erection. "No."

He placed his fingers on the top of the zipper and fidgeted with the tiny pull. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

Mac rolled her neck, and then let her head fall to one side. "Well, for starters, you can get me out of this dress." She smiled as he gently tugged at the zipper and slid it completely down. He pushed the material off her shoulders and watched as the dress fell to the floor. She stood before him in a black push up bra, and black lace panties so tiny they were just a waste of money.

She moved her fingers to the buttons of his dress shirt, and he gently swatted them away. He expertly flicked the clasp on her bra, opening the garment and sending it to the floor. "God, you're beautiful."

"Let's go to bed." She stepped out of the red fabric on the floor, took his hand, and they made their way to their bedroom. She slid back against the pillows, and watched as he quickly removed his clothes, and came to bed in nothing but his royal blue boxer-briefs. The upgrade in his underwear had been her favorite part of his new civilian life. Instead of the stiff white boxers he had always worn, he now wore boxer-briefs in bright colors, with fabric that clung to him like a second skin. She found it incredibly sexy. He gently parted her legs and tugged down the tiny black panties. But before he could begin to lick her, she placed her hand in his hair. "Not yet. I want something else first."

He moved back up the bed and lay beside her. She ran her fingers over his cheek and brought his face to hers for a kiss. Her tongue entered his mouth, and she covered his hand with hers, before moving it to rest between her legs. He immediately slid a long finger into her, making her moan loudly. He broke the kiss and moved his mouth to a breast. He covered the dark nipple with his mouth and nipped lightly with his teeth. She arched off the bed, an even louder moan escaping her. He knew her orgasm was coming.

"Harm, I need you inside me. Please. Please."

He was so hard at this point it was nearly painful and hearing her plead almost made him finish on the spot. He pulled his finger out of her, and quickly stripped off his underwear before positioning him body over hers. He balanced his weight on one forearm and brushed her hair off of her face with his other hand. "I love you. You know that, right?" She nodded. He lowered his head to kiss her, swallowing the moan he knew would come as he slid inside her.

* * *

"Want to talk?"

She lifted her head up from his chest and studied his handsome face. She knew he wasn't just asking because he thought he was supposed to. He was asking because he genuinely wanted her to talk about it. She dropped her head back to his chest and began tracing the alphabet on his chest. "I don't know what she could possibly want from me. I've seen her exactly once in the past eighteen years." Harm was silent, and she finished the alphabet and started tracing random words. "She probably needs money."

"Maybe she's sick."

His voice was so gentle, and it calmed her rattled nerves. "In that case, she's probably coming to ask for a kidney." She lifted her head to see him roll his eyes and offered him a small smile. "I don't want her in my life, Harm. I got used to not having a mother a long time ago."

"If she's changed, it may not be a bad thing to have her in your life. It'll be nice for our kids to know both sides of the family."

She sat up and pulled the blanket with her to cover her breasts. "No. Absolutely not. She will not be a part of our family. She abandoned me, Harm. She abandoned me, took our dog, and then abandoned him too. She left me with a man that was so abusive towards her that she feared for her life. That woman will never know my children."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Lay back down." He tugged at her arm, and she reclaimed her spot on his chest. "I'm sorry. I just… I just wish more than anything that my dad would be able to be a part of our family."

She sighed and placed a kiss on his chest. "I know. But it's so different, Harm. Your father died serving his country. My mother is a selfish woman who left me behind and went 17 years without trying to make contact."

"When is your next therapy appointment?"

Mac sighed again. "Not for a while. Commander Daniels is on leave until the beginning of June. I could see someone else; I suppose. But I like her. I trust her."

Harm was silent, weighing her words. "If you need to talk, promise me that you'll talk to someone. Me, Maddie, a different therapist. Just don't keep this bottled up."

She raised her head again and studied him. "Are you afraid she'll make me want to drink? Because that's not going to happen. If I made it through seeing her last year when my father died, and then your eye surgery without wanting a drink, I doubt whatever she needs to tell me will have me running for a bottle."

"I'm not worried you'll drink. I'm just worried about you. You don't have to go through this alone anymore." He laced his fingers with hers and brought their joined hands to his lips. "You have so many people in your life that love you and would gladly listen if you need to talk. Just promise me that you'll lean on all of us a little bit."

She smiled at him, and then nestled into his side a little more. "I promise."

* * *

Mac dressed carefully for her meeting with her mother. Part of her wished it was a workday, and she could just go in her uniform. But it was a beautiful Saturday morning, and she needed to dress in something more appropriate. Harm had asked at least ten times if she'd like him to come. Once she had finally managed to get him to take no for an answer, he changed and headed out to the airfield. They were set to open in two weeks, and he was spending nearly every free moment there to make sure everything met his approval. She put on white skinny jeans, an emerald green sleeveless top, and brown sandals. The coffee shop they were meeting at was only two blocks from their apartment, and she decided to walk instead of dealing with trying to find a parking space. The café was crowded when she arrived, but there was one empty table in the middle of the room, and it would have to do. She made eye contact with the young girl who was waiting on tables and gestured to the empty table.

A few minutes later she had ordered a latte, and a quiche with mushrooms and sun-dried tomatoes, and she stared out the window while she waited. It wasn't long before her coffee arrived, and not long after that her mother did. Deanne offered a tentative smile as she sat, and when the waitress came back with Mac's quiche, she ordered a black coffee.

"So, what do you need?"

Deanne blushed. She hadn't expected her daughter to be quite so forward. "Can I ask how you are first? How you've been? Was that handsome man I met last night your husband?"

She ran her thumb over the band of her engagement ring and felt oddly protective of this piece of jewelry. She wished she hadn't worn it, not entirely sure she wanted to share this precious part of her life with a woman she shared DNA with and little else. "I'm fine. I've been fine. I'm a Lieutenant Colonel now, and I love my job. The man you met last night isn't my husband, but he is my fiancé."

"Oh, that's wonderful. Tell me about him. The two of you make a beautiful couple."

Mac shoved the quiche to the side and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not here to make small talk, or to tell you about my life. You said you needed a minute of my time. I'm here. Just tell me what you want."

Deanne looked up at the young woman holding the coffee she ordered and forced a smile. "Thank you." She watched the woman leave and turned her attention back to her daughter. "I'm so glad you're doing well for yourself. You deserve it, sweetheart."

Mac leaned forward and rested her forearms on the table. 'I'm not here to talk about my life or how I'm doing. You said you needed something, so I'm going to ask again. What do you need?"

Deanne's tongue darted out to moisten her lips. "I'm sick, Sarah. I have an aggressive form of pancreatic cancer."

**End Part 13**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes**: This was hard for me to post. I asked a friend of mine to read it, and we got into this ridiculous argument over whether or not the way I wrote Mac made her a horrible person. Her comments gnawed at me, hence the amount of time it's taken me to post this. I finally decided to ignore my friend because in this situation I see myself in Mac. My father wasn't abusive, but he was an alcoholic and left when I was a child. He died when I was 22 and I didn't feel anything for myself. I felt sad for my grandmother and my uncle, but I never felt like I personally lost anything. I imagine Mac the same. I hope you guys don't think she's horrible here – I know I don't.

**Part Fourteen**

"Mac? Are you here?" Harm tossed his keys on the table and toed off his shoes. "Mac?" She came out of the bedroom, and he felt his heart drop. He could instantly tell she had been crying. They walked towards each other, meeting in the middle. He pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head. "What happened?"

Mac used the heel of her hand to wipe at the tear tracks on her cheeks and swallowed. "She's dying. She has a rare form of pancreatic cancer, that's already spread. The doctors she's seen have given her no more than six months."

He tightened his arms around her as she buried her head in the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He held her for a minute, and then stepped back when he felt her squirming.

She wiped her face again and swallowed. She turned from him and walked over to the sofa. She sunk into the cushions and pulled her knees up to her chest. "I'm not sad that she's dying." She looked up at him and bit her lip as he walked over to the sofa. He sat next to her and tucked her hair behind her ears. "What kind of horrible person am I?"

"You're not a horrible person." She looked down at her hands, and he sighed. He tugged her arm and pulled her against him. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head again. "You're not a horrible person. You have so many feelings about your parents. I'm sure it's understandable for your feelings to be all over the place."

Mac shook her head and pushed herself off of him. "That's the thing. I'm not feeling all of these different emotions. I'm feeling next to nothing. I don't feel sad, or angry, or happy, or relieved. I feel nothing."

He frowned, completely confused. "I don't understand. If you aren't sad or angry, why are you crying?"

She shot up and began to pace. "I'm crying because I'm obviously a horrible person. I'm horrible. How can you possibly want to marry me?"

He stood and grabbed her hand. He pulled her to him again and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Stop it." She squirmed, and he held her tighter. "Stop." His voice was gentler this time, and he ran one hand over her back. "You are not a horrible person. You're amazing."

"Then why don't I feel anything?" She began to cry again.

He kissed her head again, and then pulled back to place feather-light kisses on her forehead and cheeks. "You're not a terrible person. You don't feel anything because she's not a part of your life. You've seen her once in approximately seventeen years, and that experience left you more or less indifferent toward her." Mac sniffled, and he loosened his grip. "Can I pretend to be a therapist for a moment?" She nodded and he smiled. "You were so angry for so long, but you started the process of forgiving her after you saw her last year. You started letting all of that resentment and anger go." He shrugged and ran a hand over her disheveled hair. "With those negative feelings gone, there isn't really anything left."

"I feel like I should feel something. More than what I do feel, anyway."

He shrugged and led her back to the sofa. "What do you feel?"

She shrugged and leaned against him. "Basic sadness that a life is ending too soon. I feel… I'm hoping that her doctors are able to make her comfortable, and that she doesn't feel much pain."

"You're a good person, Sarah. Don't doubt that." He started to continue, but the doorbell rang, and they looked at each other. He stood to answer it, and she grabbed his hand.

"If that's her, please tell her… I don't know. Just tell her I'm not home. I need more time before I see her again."

He nodded and kissed her hand before releasing it. He went to the door and opened it hesitantly. His eyes widened when he saw his mother on the other side.

"Surprise!"

"Mom!" He opened the door a little wider and stepped into the hallway to give her a hug. "What are you doing here?"

She frowned at his reaction and eyed him suspiciously once they parted. "You're acting strange. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm just shocked to see you. What are you doing here? Is Frank with you?"

Trish switched her handbag from one shoulder to the other, and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes. He's in town for business, and I joined him so we could visit. Now what's going on? You don't have another woman in there, do you?"

His eyes widened in shock. "Mom, no!" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Mac got some upsetting news today, and I wasn't sure who was at the door. And then I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

Trish softened and touched her son's arm. "Is she okay?"

"She will be. Come on. Let's go inside." He opened the door and forced a smile. "Look who I found!"

Mac saw Trish and bolted off of the couch. She straightened her clothes, and wished she was still in the green top and jeans she had on earlier. She felt so unkempt in the yoga pants and tank top in comparison to Trish's crisp white pants and pretty blue blouse. "Trish. Hello! How are you?"

Trish walked towards her and gave her an appraising once over. She took Mac's hand and squeezed gently. "What's going on?"

Mac's tongue darted out to moisten her lips. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before finding appropriate words. "My mother is in town. She has cancer."

"Oh, sweetheart." Trish pulled her close and wrapped her arms around her.

* * *

Trish beamed at Harm as he showed her around Hammer Aviation. He definitely had her eye for beauty, and the property was impressive. "This is just wonderful."

He grinned and opened the door to the building that would house his office. "And this is my office. I haven't hired a receptionist yet. I figure it's not all that necessary for the first few months, since I don't have any customers yet."

She moved around the outer room, studying the frames on the wall. Instead of photographs he had commissioned artistic renderings of many types of aircraft, and they were all professionally matted and framed. "These are lovely." She gestured to a plane that looked just like Sarah. "Where are they from?"

He stood next to her and smiled. "Jack Keeter is dating an artist. He had her paint Sarah last year for a gift. I loved it so much I asked her to do more for the office. Mac suggested the frames and the thick white matting." He ran his finger over the dark wood of the frame.

Trish turned and faced him. "So, her mother is here."

Harm glanced at her, and moved to the door to the inner office. "Come see my office." They went inside and she shut the door behind them. The room was tastefully decorated, with dark furniture, a plush rug, and framed Navy memorabilia on the walls.

She walked over to the desk, took a seat in his chair, and spun in a slow circle to take in the entire room. When she was back in her starting position, she noticed a framed photo on the desk. She picked up the frame and studied it. It was one she had taken of the two of them at the Rabb Farm on Thanksgiving, and they looked so relaxed and happy. She looked up at him and smiled. "I don't think I've ever seen you as relaxed and happy as you are now."

He grinned and sat on the leather loveseat across from the desk. "I don't think I've ever been so relaxed and happy." He looked at the frame in her hands and leaned back. "Life isn't perfect of course, but it's pretty damned good."

"I'm so glad, sweetheart. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy." She returned her gaze to the photograph and studied Mac. That poor girl. "So, her mother is here."

He sighed and stood, and took the photo from his mother. "She arrived last night. We had plans to go out, so Mac made plans to see her this morning. She told her that she had pancreatic cancer, and the doctors have given her about six months."

"Can I ask a personal question?" He nodded, and she laced her fingers together. "What is Mac going to do? Is she going to offer to go to her home with her? Is she going to invite her to stay here with the two of you?"

He cocked his head to the side and studied her for a long moment. Finally, he sighed. "I don't think she's going to do anything. Which is why she's so upset. She doesn't feel anything, and feels like that makes her a terrible person."

Trish's heart ached for the girl. "It doesn't though." She studied the bracelet she was wearing, and ran her fingers over the small sapphires. "It's hard for feel grief for someone you don't have pleasant memories with. Her mother abandoned her. She's feeling more than I think I would in her situation."

* * *

**The Next Day**

Mac opened the door, and forced a smile. Her mother was standing on the other side. "Please, come in." She held the door open and allowed her to come inside. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee?"

Deanne shook her head. "No, I'm fine." She looked around the apartment and tried to smile. It was a nice apartment. She followed her daughter into the living room, and paused to look at mementos arranged on a bookcase. Her eyes fell on a framed photo of Mac with her uncle. She hesitated only for a moment before picking the photo up.

"That was my law school graduation."

She looked at her, and then back at the frame. "What school did you go to?"

Mac tried to remain calm. She didn't want to yell or cry, but this was something she should know. A mother should have been there. "Duke. For law school anyway."

Deanne continued to study the photo. Mac was smiling broadly, and Matt looked so proud and incredibly handsome. She was holding a massive bouquet of pale pink tulips in one hand, and her diploma in the other. "Matt brought pink tulips to the hospital the day you were born." Mac didn't say anything, and she sat the photo down. Her eyes moved to another one, and she bit her lip. It was another photo of the two of them. This one was taken when she had been a little girl, and was taken at Red Rock Mesa. She was on her uncle's shoulders, with her arms outstretched and a huge smile on her face. Deanne knew she had to have been the one to take this photo, but she couldn't remember the day. She moved her eyes over the rest of them, all of her daughter and her fiancé with various people.

Mac silently watched her mother study memories from a life she hadn't been a part of, and bit her lip to force back tears. She could have been part of some of these days and events. She could have been in that graduation photo if she had wanted to be. She knew Sarah Rabb would have welcomed her into her home for holiday celebrations. She could have been a mother to her at anytime and she chose not to. "What are your plans?"

She turned away from the bookcase and glanced at the furniture. "Can we sit?" Mac nodded, and took a seat in the chair, while her mother took a seat in the center of the sofa. "I want to die at home. Not in a strange bed like Joe did. When the end comes, there are hospice folks who will come to me, so I won't be in pain."

Mac couldn't stop the tear that fell down her cheek, and she took a deep breath. "Would you like me to be there? At the end? I'll come if you want me to."

Deanne inhaled sharply, and then slowly shook her head. She was happy her daughter was a better person than she was, but knowing that made her feel even more ashamed. All she and Joe had put her through, and here she was. Happy. Successful. In a seemingly good relationship with a good man. It looked like she had friends. She had a good life. Deanne cleared her throat. "Sarah, I was a terrible mother to you. Not just for leaving you with him, but for everything I put up with for your entire life. Your childhood was horrible, and it was all my fault. You don't owe me anything."

"I know." She twisted her engagement ring around her finger and cleared her throat. "I know I don't owe you anything. But no one should have to die alone."

She shifted to the end of the couch that was closest to Mac, and placed her hand on her knee. Mac flinched at her touch, and Deanne pulled her hand back. "I don't mind dying alone." She shrugged. "I want to die alone. I don't want to spend my last moments in a room with someone I hurt as badly as I hurt you." She swallowed hard, and folded her hands in her lap. "The only reason I came was because I thought that you deserved closure. I didn't want you wondering at various points if I would show up and cause more pain. I'm here because I'm selfish, and I wanted to see you one last time. I needed to know that you really are happy and that you have a good life." She looked around the apartment and smiled. "I see that you do."

Mac nodded. "I do. I have a very good life. My fiancé is a good man. I have a good career. I have comfortable shoes." She smiled to herself and shook her head to clear the memory. "My life is good, and it's full. And I'm not sorry you're not a part of it." She bit her lip and forced herself to take a breath. "But I am sorry that you never wanted to be a part of it."

* * *

Harm and his parents returned a few hours later and found Mac in better spirits. He gave her a gentle kiss, and ran his hand over her hair. "Are you okay?

She nodded and smiled softly. "I am. I feel better." She would tell him about the visit when they were alone, but for now she squeezed his hand. Ever since Deanne had left, she had been thinking about the night that she and Harm had told his parents about their engagement. Trish had offered to fill the void that Deanne had left, and to be the mother figure to Mac that Sarah Rabb had been to her. Mac had been touched, but uneasy at the thought of having someone in a maternal role. "When are you guys going back to La Jolla?"

Frank shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure. It depends on how the meetings go tomorrow. Tuesday or Wednesday most likely."

Mac nodded and looked at Trish. "My friend Maddie and I are going to look at wedding gowns tomorrow after work." Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, and she tried to steady her nerves. "I was wondering if you'd like to join us?" The smile Trish gave her made her feel instantly ridiculous for being so nervous.

"Oh, I would absolutely love to!" She reached into her massive Louis Vuitton bag and pulled out a bridal magazine. "I was hoping you'd ask. I saw some gowns in here that would look stunning on you." She gave Mac a once over and grinned. "Although I'm pretty sure anything would look stunning on you."

"Mom." She glanced up at Harm, whose eyes were wide and he had a strange expression on his face. "Maybe take it down a notch."

"Nonsense." She waved him away and moved to Mac. "Come sit with me darling, and show me what kind of dress you're thinking about."

Harm glanced at Mac, and relaxed when he saw her smile. It was a little tentative, but she looked happy and willingly moved from her chair to sit next to his mother on the couch. She pulled open one of the drawers of the coffee table and pulled out a well-worn copy of the same magazine. He grinned as he noticed all of the bright pink tabs all throughout the issue.

Trish looked up and glanced at her husband and then her soon. "Harm, I think now is a great time for you to take Frank to see the airfield." She watched as he rolled his eyes and her husband grinned. "We have dinner reservations at 7:00. Try to be back around 5:30." Harm saluted her, which made Mac laugh, and she smiled as they left the apartment. She turned back to Mac, kicked her heels off, and pulled up her legs. "Now. Show me those dresses."

**End Part 14**


	15. Chapter 15

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes**: I'm glad you guys don't think that my version of Mac is a horrible person =) And I'm sorry for the drama on top of drama... I didn't plan that out very well.

**Part Fifteen**

_**One Month Later**_

"My mother made an appearance in my life a few weeks ago, and revealed she's dying of pancreatic cancer."

Commander Brenda Daniels glanced up from her notepad at the surprising outburst. Sarah MacKenzie had a hard shell that usually required a bit of work before it cracked. She sat her notepad on the table and crossed her legs. "Your mother?"

Mac nodded. "She showed up out of the blue and told me she was dying. I didn't know what to say at first. But then it had some time to sink in, and I saw her again. We talked a bit, and then she went back home." She laughed bitterly. "I don't even know where home is for her. She didn't tell me."

Brenda watched Mac spin her engagement ring around her finger. It was a nervous habit of hers that came out often in these sessions. "She doesn't want you there when she passes?" Mac shook her head. "Did she say why?"

"Yeah." She stopped fidgeting with the ring and picked at the hem of her skirt. "She told me that she didn't want someone there in her final moments that she had hurt as much as she hurt me."

"Do you believe her?"

Mac shrugged again. "I don't know. I don't really know her, so it's hard to know if she's telling the truth or not."

"Do you want to be with her?" Brenda watched as Mac inhaled sharply, and then slowly shook her head.

"I would go to her in the end, if she asked. But I don't want to go." She gnawed on her lower lip for a moment before sighing. "She came to my apartment to talk before she headed back. And I watched her as she looked at the framed photos we have on a bookcase." She took a deep breath, and tried to figure out how to best articulate her thoughts. "She was looking at pictures of my uncle and I – my Uncle Matt is her older brother – and she seemed so disconnected. Do you remember my first visit here? When I couldn't sit still, and ended up standing in front of the frames over there?" She waited for the doctor to nod. "That's how she seemed. She was looking at pictures of her daughter and her brother, the only family she has, and it was if she was looking at a stranger's memories. Never mind the fact that she took one of the photos. She asked about what law school I went to, and it felt like it does when you ask a stranger at a cocktail party what they do for a living."

Brenda moved to pick up her notepad. "What kind of mother was she before she left?"

"I don't remember." She closed her eyes for a moment, and then slowly opened them. "When I was little, I remember her yelling at my father to leave me alone. But I don't have many memories of her. My most vivid memory was when I saw her at his deathbed last year. She said she came to see me." Mac offered a wry smile. "When he was dying, I asked her to come into the room with me, and she refused. It was her first opportunity to be my mother since she abandoned me on my fifteenth birthday and she refused. I feel like that must be very telling about what kind of mother she was."

* * *

Mac walked into the apartment and dropped her keys on the counter. She rested her elbows on the cool granite and dropped her head into her hands. It had been her first therapy session in almost two months, and it had been a draining one. She had talked to Harm and Maddie, but talking to Commander Daniels was more… well, therapeutic. Therapy had been something she had balked at when she had been younger, but now she wished she had listened to her uncle, and to John, and had seen someone years ago.

She lifted her head and realized that the apartment was much too quiet considering it was after 7:00. "Harm?" There was no answer. She slipped out of her heels and walked towards the bedroom. "Harm?" Their room was empty, and she frowned. She glanced at the answering machine, and frowned again at the lack of a blinking light. Where was he? Usually he called if he would be late.

A few minutes later she had changed into jeans and a tank top and was back in the living room. Mac picked up the phone and dialed his number, and replaced it in the receiver when there was no answer. She took a deep breath and placed her hand over the back of her neck, and tried to soothe the tingling she was feeling. She picked up the phone again, and began to dial the number for the airfield. The line had rung twice when she heard keys rattling in the door.

Harm walked into the apartment and greeted her with his most charming smile. "Hey there. You're home early."

She frowned and sat the phone back down, and walked to him. She slipped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. "My appointment got moved up. Where were you? I was worried."

He pulled back and brushed his lips over hers in a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. Work was insane today. I had that meeting about becoming an FAA approved pilot school, and then I had meeting with two guys who are interested in us housing their multiple planes." He grinned again. I may actually start making money again soon if this keeps up. But I thought I'd be home before you were."

"I'm just glad you're okay. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong."

His grin faded and he studied her. "A serious feeling?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah. I was fine until I couldn't reach you. Then I started feeling a tingling in the back of my neck." She shook her head. "It's probably just the aftermath of my appointment. I never feel quite like myself after meeting with Commander Daniels."

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "How was it today?"

Mac smiled softly. "Therapeutic. I actually had the thought that I should have listened to Matt and John and seen someone years ago."

Harm kissed her forehead. "You are now. That's what matters, right?"

"Right." She felt herself calming down and took a step away from him. "Let's go out for dinner. I don't really feel like being in the apartment right now."

He nodded. "Sounds good. Any preference?"

She scrunched up her nose as she thought. "Honestly, ramen. Even thought it's insanely hot outside."

He shrugged. "The restaurant is air conditioned. Let's go."

* * *

Mac leaned into him as they walked back into their apartment a few hours later. "Ugh. I'm stuffed. Why do I always end up eating so much when we go there?"

He grinned and plucked the keys from her hand. "I have no idea. I still haven't figured out where you manage to put it all." She rolled her eyes, and he kissed the top of her head. He heard multiple car doors shutting, and instinctively turned towards the sound. Two men in suits were walking quickly towards them, and he turned and tried to shield Mac.

She nudged him out of the way and smiled politely. "Can we help you with something?"

Both men took out badges, and Harm and Mac exchanged a glance as they introduced themselves as NCIS officers. The younger officer eyed Harm and cleared his throat. "I'm looking for Harmon Rabb Jr. I'm guessing that's you, sir?"

He nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm Harm. What can I do for you?"

The older officer gestured to the apartment building with his chin. "May we speak inside?"

Mac nodded, and led them inside. No one spoke as Harm hung the keys and Mac hung her purse on hooks by the door. She glanced at Harm and moved to stand next to him. "What can we do for you?"

The younger officer studied Mac for a long moment. "And you are?"

"She's my fiancée." Harm was trying to be polite, but his patience was wearing thin. "Now. I'm going to ask again. What's this about?"

The officers exchanged a glance and the older one cleared his throat. "Do you know Jordan Parker?"

Harm paled, and glanced at Mac before looking back at the officer. "I do. We dated for a couple of months last year. Is she okay?"

"I'm afraid not, sir. She was found dead in her quarters this yesterday evening."

He frowned, and shook his head. "No. You have to be mistaken. She's in Spain. She got orders last year." Mac placed a hand on his arm, and he briefly covered it with his. "You have to be mistaken."

The younger officer cleared his throat and spoke this time. "We're sure, sir." He glanced at Mac again and blushed. "Mr. Rabb, you may be more comfortable if we speak about this in private."

Mac flinched, and started to pull her hand away. Harm held it tighter and shook his head. "We have no secrets. There's no need to speak in private."

"The phone was off the hook in her apartment when she was found. We pulled her phone records as part of our standard operating procedure. The last number she called before her death was registered to your apartment near Union Station."

Harm exhaled and leaned back. "I don't live there anymore, not for almost seven months."

"But yet you still have the phone connected?"

He eyed the younger agent. "Yes. I called to cancel the phone line, but it's part of a package that come with my security system. My bill would have increased if I had cancelled it." The two agents hared a dubious look, and he felt his body tensing. As if Mac could sense his frustration, she lightly squeezed his arm. "Look, I'm not screwing with you. Between starting my new business, my fiancée's demanding career, and planning a wedding, we really just haven't had time to decide what we want to do with the place yet. But I'm not using it as some secret lair to take ex-girlfriends to."

The older agent sighed and held up a hand. "Okay. Okay. Do you know why she was calling you?"

"No. I haven't talked to her since…" He thought for a moment and glanced at Mac. "After Thanksgiving?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You ran into her at the medical center right after we got back from Pennsylvania."

"That's right. I ran into her, and we talked for a minute, and then decided to grab a cup of coffee at the coffee shop in the lobby and catch up. I haven't spoken to her since." He glanced at Mac again, and then back to the officers. "What happened to her?"

The younger one shook his head. "We're not able to comment on that at this time." He looked to his partner, who nodded, and then back to Harm and Mac. "I think that's all we have for now. We'll be in touch if we need to speak to you again."

Mac stood, walked over to the desk, and pulled out one of her business cards. She handed it to the older agent and sat back down next to Harm. "Feel free to call if you need anything."

He glanced at the card and then back at her. "You're a JAG lawyer?" She nodded, and he sighed before pocketing the business card. "We'll be in touch."

Harm and Mac stayed on the sofa while the other two showed themselves out. Once the door shut, she turned to him and brought a hand to his face. "Are you okay?" He didn't move, and she ran her fingers over his jaw. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

He shook her hand off and stood. "I think I just need to be alone right now."

**End Part 15**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author**: PreppyPrincess5103

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**Summary**: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

**Notes: **Short and sweet update, because between work stuff, class stuff, and family stuff, I probably won't be able to update again for about a week, and I felt like a jerk leaving it there.

**Part Sixteen**

_**A Few Days Later**_

"Look, I just need to be alone for a while to process all of this." Harm crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. "I'm not trying to shut you out, or keep things from you. I just… I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Jordan, and I need to be alone. I think I'm going to back to my place for a little bit."

Mac felt as if he had slapped her. She swallowed a few times, and struggled to remain calm. "This is your place." She moved her hand around, gesturing at their apartment. "This. You moved in with me six months ago. And prior to that you had spent maybe four nights there since last April. This is your place."

He stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She jerked, and they both watched as they fell to his sides. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Mac. I promise, I'm not. But it's been a hell of a week, and I just need a little time to myself." He leaned in to kiss her, but she moved away. "I'll be back soon, okay?" He reached for her and squeezed her forearms, before grabbing his keys and leaving their apartment.

She watched the door close behind him, and then clutched the edge of the counter. What was happening? His words ran on a loop in her head, and she found herself having a little trouble breathing.

'_I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Jordan. I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Jordan. I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Jordan. I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Jordan. I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Jordan.' _

What did he regret? Making her get that gun? What happened between them the night Webb had faked his death? The bathroom incident at McMurphy's? Breaking up with her? She glanced around the apartment, and then down at her left hand. What was she supposed to do now? What if he decided he regretted ending things with Jordan, and that was what he needed to process? Would she be able to spend the rest of her life being his second choice?

"I've got to get out of here." She had muttered the words, but they sounded loud in the empty apartment. She grabbed her bag and her keys, and headed to her car. She had only been driving for a few minutes when she realized she had been heading towards Maddie and Ben's apartment. She said a quick prayer that Maddie would be home, and Ben wouldn't be, and kept driving. She approached their building and pulled into the attached parking garage. Mac let out a sigh of relief when she found Maddie's car in it's assigned spot, and Ben's assigned spot empty. She took the stairs to their apartment and gently tapped on the door.

Maddie pulled the door open, and took a step back when she saw her friends face. "Oh my god, are you okay? You look terrible."

Mac laughed, but there was no humor in it. "I feel pretty terrible, actually. Harm and I are having a hard time, and I have no idea what to do."

"What's going on with Harm?"

Both women turned towards the masculine voice, and Mac winced. Ben. "Ben, I'm sorry to intrude. I didn't know you were here." She shrugs lightly. "Your car isn't here anyway."

He furrows his brow. "Don't remind me about the car. Someone on campus hit it a couple of days ago. It's at the shop getting repaired. What's going on with Harm?"

Mac swallowed. "He's having a really hard time dealing with Jordan's death."

Ben nodded knowingly. "Of course, he is. He needs to be the knight in shining armor all the time."

"Yeah. And tonight he decided he was going back to 'his place', so he could deal with all of the regrets he has when it comes to her." She shrugged, and swallowed hard. "I'm just not sure where that leaves me."

Maddie grabbed her hand and tugged her inside. "Come sit. Tell me everything that's going on."

Ben picked up his keys, and grabbed his wallet. "I'm going to go to the bar down the street for a beer, so you guys can talk. I'll be home soon."

Maddie gave him a look, and he shrugged. She knew he wasn't going to the bar. He was going to talk to Harm. And she absolutely adored him for that.

* * *

Ben knocked on the door to Harm's loft for the second time and waited. He knew he was there. His Lexus was parked in its old spot, and he saw the light on from the street. He knocked a third time, and when there was no answer, he tried the knob. It easily turned, and he pushed the door open.

"Harm, it's me."

Harm stepped away from the kitchen cabinets he was scrubbing and frowned. "What are you doing here?"

Ben crossed his arms over the chest and leaned against the fridge. "Trying to figure out why the absolutely incredible woman you're supposed to marry in four months is at my apartment, talking to Maddie about where you and her stand."

His eyes widened, and he dropped the sponge and the spray bottle. "What? What are you talking about?"

He shrugged. "She told Maddie that the two of you are having a hard time, and that you have to deal with all of these regrets regarding Jordan, and she's not sure where that leaves her."

Harm thought back to their conversation before he had left. He had said he was going back to his place. That had bothered her, but she would just get angry about that. It's not something that would have her doubting them. What else had he said?

_'I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Jordan.'_

He inhaled sharply. He knew how she must have interpreted that, and felt sick. "Shit. I have to go talk to her." He washed his hands and started for the door, but Ben grabbed his arm.

"No. She's hurt and upset, and right now she's talking to Maddie. And you're going to talk to me. What kind of regrets do you have over Jordan?"

Harm walked back into the living room, and sat on the step that led to what had once been his bedroom. "It's not what you or, more importantly, Mac are thinking." He flicked a cotton ball sized dust bunny off of the step and sighed. He watched as his friend joined him on the step, and both men leaned back on their hands. "I don't think I've ever told you this, but Mac and I had a couple nights together before Jordan and I met." He saw Ben's eyes widen and continued. "It started in Russia. I was distraught, and I kissed her. I just needed to feel alive. And she gave herself to me. We were completely fine after that. But then it happened again, in October when she was the one who needed it. And I don't know if it was because I was more coherent this time, or…" He blushed. No man wanted to admit to anyone, especially not another man, that the sex hadn't been good and that it had been his fault. "Never mind. But it happened again and the second time it was different. After that time I couldn't stop thinking about her. I needed a distraction, you know? Someone to get me to stop having all of these inappropriate thoughts about my friend. Enter Jordan. That's my regret. I never should have dated her, or caused her any pain, in the first place." He shook his head. "I can't believe Mac thinks I regret us. She should know me better than that."

"Should she?" Ben shook his head. "Harm, you obsess over the dead. It sometimes makes the living feel that they have to compete. And it's really, really hard to compete with a dead person."

Harm closed his eyes momentarily and thought of Diane, and his quest to find her killer. He could still hear the sadness in Mac's voice_. 'I know. You were kissing her.' _"I guess you're right."

"I am." He glanced around the empty apartment. "Were you actually going to sleep here tonight?"

"Of course not." Harm gestured to the kitchen with his chin. "When Mac and I moved in together we had talked about getting a place that's just ours. I was really looking forward to that. I want to buy a house that needs some work. But life has been chaotic and that hasn't happened yet. I just came here to do some manual labor on that kitchen and to work through my thoughts." He stood. "I appreciate you coming here, Ben. I really do. But I have to talk to her. I can't stomach the thought of her thinking I regret us for one more minute."

"Go home, Harm." Ben stood and dusted off the seat of his pants. "Go home, and wait for Mac. If she's still at my place, I'll send her right to you."

* * *

Mac unlocked the door to their apartment and dropped her keys and purse on the kitchen counter. Ben had come back quickly, and had told her to come back here and talk to Harm. She hadn't been stupid; she had known that's where he had gone. She looked around the apartment and saw him standing in the living room. "Hey."

He crossed the room and pulled her to him, burying his face in her hair. "I am so sorry. So, so sorry." He pulled back and kissed the top of her head, before tilting her face up to look at him. "Sweetheart, the only regret that I have when it comes to us is that we wasted so much time." He kissed her softly, and stroked her cheek. "Let's go talk." He headed to the sofa and turned back to see that she hadn't followed.

She stayed where she was. "I've been trying to get you to talk to me all week. But the only time you've talked to me was to bitch about my investigation, and to push me away."

He walked back to her. "I'm sorry, Mac. I…" He ran a hand through his hair, trying to temper his frustration. "I'm sorry. Ben stopped by the loft. We talked and he reminded me that I tend to elevate the dead, that it's hard to compete with a dead person." He grabbed her hands and squeezed. "I know I've been distant this week. I know I was an asshole when it came to your investigation. Will you let me tell you why?"

She took a deep breath, and nodded. He tugged gently, and she followed him to the sofa.

"Do you know when my feelings for you started to change?" She raised an eyebrow, but shook her head slowly. "It was after our second night together. After everything with your hu-" He stopped. He couldn't bring himself to refer to the man who had threatened to kill her, her men, and her future children as her husband. "After everything with Ragle. After that things were different. I found myself constantly fantasizing about you. Remember Thanksgiving that year?" He smiled softly when she nodded. None of their friends had been in town, so it had been just the two of them. They had sat in his apartment, with way too many cartons of Chinese food for two people. "I leaned past you to get an eggroll, and I caught a whiff of your scent. It was lemongrass and ginger, and I wanted you so badly it took every ounce of restraint I had to pull away and eat the damned eggroll."

"You should have said something."

He frowned. "What could I have said? You had sworn off men at that point. We worked together. It was so soon after everything with Ragle, I didn't want to be that guy who takes advantage when you're vulnerable. It made sense for me to look for a distraction. Something that would get my mind off of you." He shrugged and his face saddened. "That's when I met Jordan." He squeezed her hands gently. "My regrets are dating her, when I knew I was falling in love with you. She was a good person, and she deserved more than what I could offer her. If she had never met me, she never would have purchased that gun. I even regret not giving her our number when I moved in. I don't know why she called, but if she had called and I had answered, I may have been able to help her. Those are my regrets, Mac. Being with you is not, and never will be, one of them." He brushed away a tear that had fallen, and leaned into kiss her.

"I'm sorry too." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I was such a hard ass and wouldn't tell you anything about the investigation. I just kept thinking about the night you went after Diane's killer, and I guess I thought I was protecting you from yourself." He smiled, and it was almost his normal smile. She crossed her arms over her middle and sighed. "Are you going back to 'your place' now?"

He winced. "I'm sorry about that too. This is my home, Mac. You know that. I really didn't mean that the way it came out. But I would like to head back over there tonight. Not to sleep, just to work for a few hours and hopefully clear my head."

She was confused. The last time she had been in the loft it had been to empty it out of the rest of his things. "What kind of work?"

"I want us to buy a house. I mentioned it when we were in Florida, and we mentioned it when we moved in together. But life and work got in the way. But I want us to buy a house, and I really want to sell the loft before we do that. So, I'm cleaning. I started cleaning the cabinets tonight. The floors need a good cleaning though. And the grout in the shower." He raised an eyebrow. "Want to come help?"

Mac forced herself to shake her head. "No. I'll definitely help, but another time. You wanted to be alone with your thoughts tonight, and now I actually understand why." She gestured at the door. "Go. I'll be here when you get home."

He kissed her again before standing. "I love you. And I won't be out too late."

"I love you too."

**End Part 16**


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